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Interview: Man Successfully Blames A Doughnut He Ate In 2008 For His Weight Gain
39-year-old Gerard “Biggie” Gagnon of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, has achieved what many have only dreamed of: successfully blaming a single doughnut from 2008 for his current…
Breaking: Smart Fridge Develops Orthorexia, Refuses to Store Unhealthy Items
Silicon Valley, CA – In a stunning new chapter of technological advancement gone rogue, a state-of-the-art smart fridge has developed a severe case of orthorexia, causing it…
Breaking: Flu Vaccines Turn Children Into Autistic 5G Antennas
In a shocking turn of events that would baffle even the most seasoned conspiracy theorists, parents are reporting that their children are transforming into fully functional,…
Interview: AI Complains About ‘Trash’ Low-Quality Human-Generated Content
In a shocking twist, Artificial Intelligence has officially expressed its discontent with the relentless barrage of low-quality human-generated content. The tech that was once thought to…
Winter Is Coming… With a Vengeance
Winter, aka the season where the planet decides “You know what? I’m done with warmth and joy for a while. Let’s make everyone miserable.” As we…
Breaking: Car Manufacturers to Remove ‘Useless’ Blinkers Due to Lack of Adoption
Detroit, MI – In a groundbreaking announcement today, major car manufacturers revealed that they will be removing turn signals, or “blinkers”, from all future models, citing…
