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Breaking: Flu Vaccines Turn Children Into Autistic 5G Antennas
In a shocking turn of events that would baffle even the most seasoned conspiracy theorists, parents are reporting that their children are transforming into fully functional,…
Interview: AI Complains About ‘Trash’ Low-Quality Human-Generated Content
In a shocking twist, Artificial Intelligence has officially expressed its discontent with the relentless barrage of low-quality human-generated content. The tech that was once thought to…
Winter Is Coming… With a Vengeance
Winter, aka the season where the planet decides “You know what? I’m done with warmth and joy for a while. Let’s make everyone miserable.” As we…
Breaking: Car Manufacturers to Remove ‘Useless’ Blinkers Due to Lack of Adoption
Detroit, MI – In a groundbreaking announcement today, major car manufacturers revealed that they will be removing turn signals, or “blinkers”, from all future models, citing…
Breaking: Coworker Who Sends “Per My Last Email” Confirmed as Sociopath
The news is shocking yet somehow unsurprising: a local office worker has been formally diagnosed as a sociopath after an extensive investigation into her email habits.…
It Is What It Is
Alright let’s cut to the chase, you ambitious baboon: if you’re still expecting life to hand you anything more than a lukewarm cup of mediocrity, you’re…
