Alright let's cut to the chase, you ambitious baboon: if you're still expecting life to hand you anything more than a lukewarm cup of mediocrity, you're in for a rude awakening. Remember that dream job you thought you'd have by 30? Yeah well turns out that "Lead Visionary" at that artisanal coffee start-up translates to Barista with a Bachelor's Degree. And nobody cares about your passion for latte art. Lower those expectations, mate. Expect the…

Gone are the days when we looked to scholars, artists or even politicians (muffled laugh) for guidance. We've now turned to influencers, those glorious beacons of human achievement. Who needs Aristotle when you’ve got Kevvins with 3 million followers to teach you how to bench optimally? We live in an era where life's most profound questions, that is “How should I live?” and “Which skincare routine will make me look like an Instagram filter IRL?”,…