Interview: Confessions of an Honest Politician
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: Confessions of an Honest Politician

In a rare moment of professional integrity, a well-known politician agreed to an interview with that one condition: he’d actually tell the truth. No aides, no spin doctors, no pre-approved lines written by interns who think “accountability” is a fancy cocktail. Just one man, his ego and the faint smell of deceit masked by expensive cologne. So It Begins He arrived fifteen minutes late, "fashionably," he claimed, though “fashionably” is an ambitious term for a…
Interview: Man Shamelessly Uses Speakerphone in Public Transport
Posted inInterview Lifestyle

Interview: Man Shamelessly Uses Speakerphone in Public Transport

Darren Holcomb greets me with the same unapologetic smile he wore the day he became that guy on the subway. To him, the now-infamous seven minutes and fifty-two seconds of public speakerphone phone call were not a breach of etiquette but a "shared urban moment," a gift, really, to an otherwise “dead” commute. A Life-Enhancing Experience "I don’t see why people get so uptight," Holcomb says, settling into the café booth with the confidence of…
Interview: Satan Is Proud of Mankind
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: Satan Is Proud of Mankind

Hell, January 2025 — In an exclusive interview conducted in the fiery depths of the Underworld, Lucifer - who, strangely, insisted to be called "Luce" - sat down with our reporter for a candid chat about his newfound leisure. Sporting a Hawaiian shirt and sipping from a coconut with a tiny umbrella in it, Satan seemed surprisingly relaxed. "It’s been great," he said with a smug grin, adjusting his aviators. "Honestly, humans have outdone themselves.…
Man crouching working with a metal tool
Posted inDIY & Crafts Interview

Interview: Man Asserts Dominance by Refusing to Read the Instructions

Local man Ridge Groves has been proudly declaring his superiority over his peers by refusing to even acknowledge instruction manuals in a stunning display of modern masculinity. Speaking from his garage, Ridge detailed his groundbreaking approach to life, one that boldly discards the written wisdom of engineers, designers and people who actually know what they're talking about. The Art of Ignoring Instructions “It’s about instinct,” Ridge said, confidently pointing at an unopened flat-pack furniture kit…
Man squatting heavy weight
Posted inInterview Sports & Fitness

Man Finishes Bodybuilding: ‘I Lifted All the Weights’

Derek “The Tank” Johnson, the man who shook the scientific world with his discovery of the “Fleximus Prime” muscle, has once again turned the gym reality upside-down as he announced his retirement from bodybuilding, claiming he has “completed” the sport. “That’s it, boys,” Derek claimed, standing proudly on the calf raise machine. “I’ve lifted every weight there is; I'm done! Mission accomplished!” The declaration came after a marathon session in which Derek allegedly benched in…
Woman protester holding sign in front of a camera
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t See the Problem with Patriarchy

Local White Man Sets Record Straight, Confirms World’s Been Fine All Along Robert Brooks, 47, a white man describing himself as “more of a big-picture thinker”, bravely declared his steadfast belief that patriarchy is “probably blown out of proportion” and “not something we really need to be fussed about.” Speaking from his cushy leather armchair in the "man cave" he mostly furnished himself, Brooks generously took time out of his rigorous day of scrolling Twitter…
businessman sitting and using a computer with a stern look
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: Man Explains How to Look Busy at Work Without Doing Anything

We had the rare pleasure of sitting down with Trevor Higgins, a man who’s somehow made a thriving career out of looking like he’s holding the office together while doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in his faux-cluttered cubicle, Trevor smirks like someone who’s got the game all figured out. And maybe he has. Let's find out how he explains the intricate art of workplace slacking. "Look, it’s dead simple,” he begins, leaning back in his chair…
White man drinking coffee and sitting on an armchair
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t Believe in Systemic Racism

"Systemic racism? Come on, buddy. That's just a buzzword," begins 47 year-old Robert Brooks, who swears he's cracked the code on what he calls "this modern hysteria." Robert is, in appearance, an average guy: khaki trousers, a fleece jacket and an arsenal of "facts" derived from his Facebook feed. Today, Robert wants the world to know that, despite mountains of evidence, systemic racism simply doesn’t exist. "It's just the latest trend, isn't it?" he scoffs,…
Black and White Portrait of Man with Catrina Makeup
Posted inInterview Lifestyle

Interview: Man Refuses to Wear Costume, Claims He’s ‘Already Dead Inside’

Hell, Michigan - This Halloween season, locals are perplexed by one among them who stands alone in his steadfast rejection of costumes, citing an unexpectedly bleak reason. Meet Stuart Grimbley, 34-year-old, who has become a viral sensation after declaring he’d skip the Halloween costume madness this year due to a simple fact: he's “already dead inside.” 'It's All Pointless' We caught up with Stuart, who agreed to an interview as long as it didn’t interfere…
The clock of the Big Ben building
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Local Man Refuses to Switch to Winter Time, Declares War on “Big Clock”

This is an act of rebellion that nobody would have ever thought witnessing: Greg Allen, a 42-year-old accountant from Milwaukee, has announced that he will no longer be participating in the biannual ritual of adjusting clocks for Daylight Saving Time. While most Americans and Europeans set their clocks back last weekend, getting their hour back after trading it in the name of tradition and proven useless energy-saving measures, Greg remains defiantly on “his own schedule,”…