Thre doughnuts stacked on each other
Posted inFood Health & Wellness Interview

Interview: Man Successfully Blames A Doughnut He Ate In 2008 For His Weight Gain

39-year-old Gerard "Biggie" Gagnon of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, has achieved what many have only dreamed of: successfully blaming a single doughnut from 2008 for his current weight of 308 pounds, or 140 kilograms. This groundbreaking achievement was revealed in an exclusive interview that left nutritionists, personal trainers and common sense in complete disarray. "I remember it like it was yesterday," Gerard told us, wiping his hands on his sweatpants for the fifth time during the…
Man nurse holding a vaccine syringe
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Tech & Science

Breaking: Flu Vaccines Turn Children Into Autistic 5G Antennas

In a shocking turn of events that would baffle even the most seasoned conspiracy theorists, parents are reporting that their children are transforming into fully functional, socially awkward 5G antennas shortly after receiving their annual flu shots. Reports began surfacing early this week when thousands of families across the world noticed their vaccinated children behaving in peculiar ways. Not only did they become fluent in obscure programming languages overnight, but they also began emitting what…
dna molecules picturing hormones
Posted inHealth & Wellness

Damn Hormones

For those who've never heard of them, hormones are those microscopic tyrants secretly running the show while we all naively believe we’ve got free will. If you’ve ever wondered why you ate an entire pizza at 2 AM or burst into tears during an insurance commercial, look no further than those sneaky little chemical mongrels. Let’s skip childhood, that time in our life is for something else, and go right to our teenage years. Also…
Scale with a meter ribbon on to pof it
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

What Your Diet Says About You

Aaah, diets. The culinary self-flagellation we all subject ourselves to in the name of “health” (or getting beach-body-ready for an Instagram post we’ll filter to hell anyway). What we choose to stuff in our faces says more about our personalities than any BuzzFeed quiz ever could. In that spirit, let's break down 10 popular diets and let's see what they really say about you, you plonker. Keto Diet Starting strong, right? You’ve told every single…
You Aged Like Milk, So What?
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

You Aged Like Milk, So What?

Let’s face it mate: time hasn’t exactly been kind to you. But before you drown yourself in self-pity or anti-wrinkle cream, here’s a little perspective: you're not the only one to age like milk, you’re just at the front of the fridge, and honestly it’s no big deal. Here are 10 reasons why: 1. You Were Never Going to be the Mona Lisa Anyway.Let’s be real: even in your prime, you weren't quite a masterpiece.…
healthy meal with berries, yoghurt, fruits, ananas and oats on a wooden board
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

What Health Gurus Don’t Tell You

The “Secrets” to Wellness You Never Knew You Needed Welcome to the magical world of health gurus, where science is optional, logic is a suggestion and the truth is whatever sells the most supplements. In this guide, I’ll share some of the secrets these wellness wizards won’t tell you. Brace yourself for the truth. 1. Water: Not Just for Fish Anymore! You’ve heard it a million times: drink eight glasses of water a day. Why?…