Experts are calling this a once-in-a-millennium event: a 32-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida, has defied the very laws of human stubbornness by actually “getting over it” after being told to do so. The groundbreaking achievement has taken therapists by surprise, fed toxic comment sections as well as passive-aggressive family dinners worldwide.
The man, identified as Gavin Lovitz, reportedly accomplished this emotional miracle last Wednesday during a heated argument over something that was gotten over so fast that even eyewitnesses can’t recall what it was. After 15 minutes of defensive posturing, dramatic sighs and muttered insults about “not being appreciated,” Gavin’s buddy Travis delivered the now-infamous advice: “Dude, just get over it.”
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Eyewitness Accounts of the Momentous Event
According to multiple onlookers at the Buffalo Wild Wings, where the incident took place, Gavin’s face contorted in a brief struggle between indignation, resignation and enlightenment. A hush fell over the establishment as he blinked twice, took a sip of his Coors Light and uttered the words that would change the course of history: “Yeah, alright.”
“I thought he was just gearing up for another passive-aggressive comeback, as is tradition,” Travis admitted, still visibly shaken. “I was ready for a week of cryptic social media posts and him not liking my memes. But instead… he just got over it. Magic. It’s like he was Gandalf, or something.”
One witness described the scene as “like watching a Jenga tower defy gravity.” Another compared it to “another Florida man thing: improbable, yet mesmerizing.”
Therapists and Motivational Speakers in Shambles
Mental health professionals have been quick to express both admiration and existential dread over Gavin’s success. Dr. Melissa Kirkpatrick, a renowned clinical psychologist, confessed, “This goes against everything we understand about emotional processing. I mean, we have entire industries built around people not getting over it. If this catches on, I’ll have to open that Etsy shop I’ve been putting off.”
Self-help gurus and motivational speakers are similarly panicking. Tony Provolone, a life coach and best-selling author of “Unlock Your Inner Unicorn,” issued a tearful statement: “If people just get over it after being told to, where does that leave me? Where does that leave the 12-step process? I have a mortgage, damn it, what am I supposed to do with that now?”
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The Internet Reacts
Online communities have reacted to the news with a mix of disbelief and outrage. Reddit’s r/EmotionalDamage exploded with hot takes, one user lamenting, “This is setting unrealistic standards for emotional growth. Some of us need years of stewing and passive-aggression to cope.” Meanwhile, Twitter (subsequently X) has introduced a new trending hashtag: #GavinGateOverIt.
One Twitter user wrote: “If Gavin can get over it, what’s my excuse? Asking for my therapist.”
However, not everyone is impressed. Instagram influencer @SelfCareSloth posted a 12-slide infographic arguing that getting over it is a form of “emotional capitalism” and that we should “honor the journey of being pissed off indefinitely.”
Potential Global Consequences
Diplomats are monitoring the situation closely, fearful that this breakthrough could disrupt international relations. “Imagine if people in politics just got over it?” speculated U.N. analyst Linda Alvarez. “We’d have to find something else to fill the 24-hour news cycle. Maybe cooking competitions? Is that still a thing?”
Some predict that if this phenomenon spreads, entire industries will collapse. Cable news experts, pop stars and reality TV contestants are reportedly terrified of a world where grievances can be gotten over so fast instead of being nursed indefinitely.
Gavin’s New Reality
Since the incident, Gavin has been treated as a quasi-religious figure in local Florida circles. Strangers approach him for blessings or to whisper personal grievances into his ear, hoping he’ll simply tell them to “get over it” and perform another miracle. Gavin, for his part, remains unfazed: “Honestly, I don’t know what the big deal is,” he said while scrolling his phone at a Chipotle. “I’ve got stuff to do. You can only care about things for so long before you get over them, you know?”
His girlfriend, Tina, who has spent five years subtly encouraging Gavin to “let things go,” was less philosophical. “I told him to get over it for years. YEARS. And it took Travis yelling it over wings and cheap beer for him to listen? I’m just pissed right and don’t you dare telling me to get over that!”
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Future Research
Scientists are now considering whether other common phrases could work if used with the right delivery, such as “Don’t take it personally,” “Calm down,” and the notoriously difficult “Let’s agree to disagree.” However, many agree these may be too ambitious for human evolution as we know it.
For now, Gavin’s unprecedented feat stands as a beacon of hope—or a cautionary tale, depending on who you ask. In any case, the world watches impatiently to see if the phenomenon can be repeated. And if not, well, we’ll just have to get over it.
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