If you like The Flatypus, consider subscribing to the newsletter.
Explore All Our Posts
Breaking: Local Gym in Disarray After Lifter Squats in the Curl Rack
Planet Gains, 8:32 AM — A bizarre and unprecedented act of gym anarchy shook Planet Gains Fitness Center this morning after traveling bro Trevor Winslow committed…
Breaking: Bodybuilder Loses Gains After Walking Too Fast
A tragedy took the fitness world by surprise when local bodybuilder and Instagram sensation Bryce Hutchins reported a mysterious total loss of gains after attempting what…
Guide: Willpower and Your Lack Thereof
Willpower is this alleged mythical force that separates us mortals from our dreams of six-pack abs and wealth beyond measure. You’ve heard of it, you vaguely…
Breaking News: Men Shocked to Discover Women Have Opinions Without Their Permission
Nobody could believe it and yet it is true – men across the nation have been left in shock as they get acquainted with the radical…
Interview: Man Refuses to Wear Costume, Claims He’s ‘Already Dead Inside’
Hell, Michigan – This Halloween season, locals are perplexed by one among them who stands alone in his steadfast rejection of costumes, citing an unexpectedly bleak…
Breaking: Scientists Decrease Thermometers by 3 Degrees, Solve Climate Change
Scientists worldwide have collectively agreed to lower thermometers by a cool 3 degrees Celsius, or 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Yes, you read right: climate change, that annoying…
