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Interview: Man Asserts Dominance by Refusing to Read the Instructions
Local man Ridge Groves has been proudly declaring his superiority over his peers by refusing to even acknowledge instruction manuals in a stunning display of modern…
World Prepares to Ignore Same Resolutions for Another Year
As the clock and calendar are getting dangerously close to January 1st, midnight, billions of people worldwide are drafting eerily familiar lists of New Year’s resolutions,…
Breaking: Santa Confirms You’re on the Naughty List
As Christmas approaches, Santa Claus himself has confirmed that you, yes YOU, are officially on the Naughty List this year. The news broke earlier today when…
Guide: Live Like a Perfect Human Being
Well, well, well, look who’s still trying to figure out how to live their life. Pathetic, really. But fear naught, because society’s got your back with…
Breaking: You’re An Asshole
Today marks the day of a not-so-groundbreaking revelation; what everyone has been suspecting for ages is now official: you’re a top of the line, industrial-grade, vacuum-sealed,…
An Ode to Coffee
Coffee is love, coffee is life. That pretty much sums it up but let’s dig deeper. Coffee is that caffeinated elixir that turns your blobby half-dead…
