Snow field with fence and trees in the background
Posted inLifestyle

Winter Is Coming… With a Vengeance

Winter, aka the season where the planet decides "You know what? I'm done with warmth and joy for a while. Let's make everyone miserable." As we brace for the Arctic slap in the face, we reflect on the warning signs: the first chill, the ominous whispers of wind, the annual sacrifice of all remaining hope. Winter, with its passive-aggressive attitude, is no longer just coming. Oh no... It's plotting. This year, it's not just snowflakes,…
Car turn signal
Posted inBreaking News Tech & Science

Breaking: Car Manufacturers to Remove ‘Useless’ Blinkers Due to Lack of Adoption

Detroit, MI – In a groundbreaking announcement today, major car manufacturers revealed that they will be removing turn signals, or "blinkers", from all future models, citing "overwhelming customer disinterest." The decision comes after years of relentless research confirming what everyone on the road already knew: turn signals are simply not being used. According to the study, an estimated 92% of drivers consider the blinker an unnecessary feature, while 39% of them also declared using blinkers…
Man typing on a computer
Posted inBreaking News Business

Breaking: Coworker Who Sends “Per My Last Email” Confirmed as Sociopath

The news is shocking yet somehow unsurprising: a local office worker has been formally diagnosed as a sociopath after an extensive investigation into her email habits. Jane Davis, a long-term employee of Corporate Drone Solutions (CDS), was found to have sent an alarming number of passive-aggressive emails containing the dreaded phrase. “At first we thought it was just the usual corporate jargon” said colleague and certified email therapist, Tom Matebro. “But when it became her…
Person man woman gazing into the void
Posted inLifestyle

It Is What It Is

Alright let's cut to the chase, you ambitious baboon: if you're still expecting life to hand you anything more than a lukewarm cup of mediocrity, you're in for a rude awakening. Remember that dream job you thought you'd have by 30? Yeah well turns out that "Lead Visionary" at that artisanal coffee start-up translates to Barista with a Bachelor's Degree. And nobody cares about your passion for latte art. Lower those expectations, mate. Expect the…
man lying on grass, content to procrastinate
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Personal Development

Guide: How to Procrastinate With Style

Welcome, slackers, daydreamers and "I’ll do it tomorrow"-ers. If you're here, it's because you've got work to do but doing it just doesn't vibe with your life right now, am I right? Maybe it never will but fear naught for I am here to teach you how to procrastinate like a pro: with style, finesse and absolutely no shame. Let’s elevate that habit into an art form, shall we? Step 1: Convince Yourself That You…
Influencer photographing a salad with a smartphone
Posted inLifestyle

Influencers

Gone are the days when we looked to scholars, artists or even politicians (muffled laugh) for guidance. We've now turned to influencers, those glorious beacons of human achievement. Who needs Aristotle when you’ve got Kevvins with 3 million followers to teach you how to bench optimally? We live in an era where life's most profound questions, that is “How should I live?” and “Which skincare routine will make me look like an Instagram filter IRL?”,…
dna molecules picturing hormones
Posted inHealth & Wellness

Damn Hormones

For those who've never heard of them, hormones are those microscopic tyrants secretly running the show while we all naively believe we’ve got free will. If you’ve ever wondered why you ate an entire pizza at 2 AM or burst into tears during an insurance commercial, look no further than those sneaky little chemical mongrels. Let’s skip childhood, that time in our life is for something else, and go right to our teenage years. Also…
annoying bald man in a business casual suit laughs
Posted inRelationships

Dave

You know Dave. We all know a Dave. He’s not the devil incarnate. He’s not even that bad, really, but somehow every time he opens his mouth, you’re filled with the sudden and irresistible urge to slap him with a wet fish. Not really out of anger, it’s just that Dave is… Dave. In the office, Dave is the kind of guy who always has something to say during meetings that should have ended 20…
Scale with a meter ribbon on to pof it
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

What Your Diet Says About You

Aaah, diets. The culinary self-flagellation we all subject ourselves to in the name of “health” (or getting beach-body-ready for an Instagram post we’ll filter to hell anyway). What we choose to stuff in our faces says more about our personalities than any BuzzFeed quiz ever could. In that spirit, let's break down 10 popular diets and let's see what they really say about you, you plonker. Keto Diet Starting strong, right? You’ve told every single…
You Aged Like Milk, So What?
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

You Aged Like Milk, So What?

Let’s face it mate: time hasn’t exactly been kind to you. But before you drown yourself in self-pity or anti-wrinkle cream, here’s a little perspective: you're not the only one to age like milk, you’re just at the front of the fridge, and honestly it’s no big deal. Here are 10 reasons why: 1. You Were Never Going to be the Mona Lisa Anyway.Let’s be real: even in your prime, you weren't quite a masterpiece.…