Man smiling with a thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Business

Breaking: CEO Announces Bold New Plan to Increase Productivity: ‘Work Harder’

In a groundbreaking move that has left business analysts and economists stunned, the CEO of tech giant HyperCorp, Chadwick Kendall, has unveiled a revolutionary strategy to boost company productivity: telling employees to "work harder." The Annoucement In an all-hands meeting streamed from Kendall’s penthouse office, the CEO delivered his paradigm-shifting announcement with the same bravado he reserves for investor calls. "Look, at the end of the day, the solution is simple," Kendall said, adjusting the…
Woman smiling and giving two thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness

Woman Cures Her Depression by ‘Cheering Up’ and Realizing ‘It’s Not That Bad’

Brentwood, Essex - Local woman Sarah Bingley, 34, has defied the entire field of psychology by finding a groundbreaking cure for her decade-long battle with depression: she simply decided to “cheer up” after reminding herself that “it’s not that bad.” The revelation came after a friend suggested the revolutionary idea during brunch last Sunday. “I was just sitting there, talking about how I’ve been struggling with my mental health, and my mate Becky said, ‘Oh…
Man having laptop problems
Posted inGuide Relationships Tech & Science

Guide: How to Get out of People Asking You to Fix Their Computer Issues

So, you’ve made the rookie mistake of fixing someone’s computer once and now, congratulations: you’ve become the go-to tech wizard for every friend, relative and distant acquaintance in need. You might’ve thought you were just helping out but what you really did was unleash a nightmare. But fear naught, my tech-weary friend, because this guide will teach you the art of dodging tech requests like a pro, ensuring that no one ever asks you to…
Couple kissing near a glass window
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Wife (or Girlfriend) is Way Hotter Than You

Let’s face it, mate: your girlfriend (or wife for those of you who followed this guide) is a certified smoke show, and you, well… you’re the human equivalent of a round of blue cheese. But don’t panic, you potato sack, because this guide is here to help you navigate life as the less-attractive half of a relationship without completely collapsing under the weight of your own mediocrity. Let’s get real: if you’re reading this, you’ve…
Man sitting on a chair facing another person who looks at a document
Posted inBusiness Guide

Guide: How to Be Right and Still Lose Every Debate with Your Boss

Do you ever find yourself stepping into a conversation with your boss, armed to the teeth with logic, facts and an unwavering sense of justice, only to leave with what's left of your dignity torn to shreds and a fresh list of things you “could improve on”? Welcome to the glorious world of Being Right, But Also Wrong. If you're anything like me, you’ve probably tried this several times, thinking, “Today’s the day my boss…
Toy worm on the floor
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Girlfriend Asked if You’d Still Love Her if She Was a Worm and Demands Answers.

So, it’s 9 p.m. on a Tuesday night., you’re minding your own business scrolling through memes or half-watching some nonsense on Netflix when she hits you with the question. That question. “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” Let that sink in for a second, because it’s not just a question; it’s a test. A labyrinth of emotional landmines, a riddle, an enigma squished inside a pile of soil where apparently she…
Waiter taking the order of two men sitting at a table
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: We Found a Waiter Who Actually Likes the Job

In what can only be described as the most shocking news since someone decided kale was edible, we’ve found a rare gem in the dining underworld: a waiter who actually enjoys their job. That’s right, folks. Forget the eye rolls, the whispered curses in the kitchen and the silent prayers to just get through the shift. Kevin "Smiley" Johnson is a 25-year-old server at the Soggy Fork, where the ambiance is as lukewarm as the…
Black wolf on green grass
Posted inInterview Lifestyle

Interview With a Sigma Male: The Lone Wolf Who Doesn’t Need Society but Will Explain It to You Anyway

In a world brimming with “alpha” this and “beta” that, one man stands apart - not above, mind you, just apart. Meet Chadley Steele, a self-proclaimed "Sigma Male" who, as he’s keen to remind us, operates on a plane so transcendent that society itself is irrelevant to his existence. Naturally, we had to hear from the man who thrives alone in the shadows, though apparently not too alone, given his robust presence on several internet…
Woman films gym partner exercising
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Lifestyle

Breaking: Lifting Weights Without Posting It on Instagram Considered Revolutionary

In a groundbreaking move that's shaking the fitness world to its very core, local gym-goer Jessica Thornton has done the unthinkable: she lifted weights without posting it on Instagram. Fitness influencers and social media experts are calling this an unprecedented act of rebellion, a bold statement that could potentially spark a cultural shift in gyms around the world. Jessica, a 28-year-old marketing executive, completed an entire one-hour workout yesterday, consisting of squats, deadlifts and hip…
Hands holding planet Earth
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: God is Disappointed (and Kind of Over It)

In a rare and slightly awkward celestial press conference, God, the Almighty Creator, agreed to sit down for an exclusive interview to address His ongoing thoughts about humanity and Earth in general. With over a few millennia of watching things unfold, it seems the divine patience has been pushed to its holy limit. "It’s not like I expected perfection," God admitted, rubbing His temples as if an eternity of listening to human prayers had finally…