Waiter taking the order of two men sitting at a table
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: We Found a Waiter Who Actually Likes the Job

In what can only be described as the most shocking news since someone decided kale was edible, we’ve found a rare gem in the dining underworld: a waiter who actually enjoys their job. That’s right, folks. Forget the eye rolls, the whispered curses in the kitchen and the silent prayers to just get through the shift. Kevin "Smiley" Johnson is a 25-year-old server at the Soggy Fork, where the ambiance is as lukewarm as the…
Black wolf on green grass
Posted inInterview Lifestyle

Interview With a Sigma Male: The Lone Wolf Who Doesn’t Need Society but Will Explain It to You Anyway

In a world brimming with “alpha” this and “beta” that, one man stands apart - not above, mind you, just apart. Meet Chadley Steele, a self-proclaimed "Sigma Male" who, as he’s keen to remind us, operates on a plane so transcendent that society itself is irrelevant to his existence. Naturally, we had to hear from the man who thrives alone in the shadows, though apparently not too alone, given his robust presence on several internet…
Woman films gym partner exercising
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Lifestyle

Breaking: Lifting Weights Without Posting It on Instagram Considered Revolutionary

In a groundbreaking move that's shaking the fitness world to its very core, local gym-goer Jessica Thornton has done the unthinkable: she lifted weights without posting it on Instagram. Fitness influencers and social media experts are calling this an unprecedented act of rebellion, a bold statement that could potentially spark a cultural shift in gyms around the world. Jessica, a 28-year-old marketing executive, completed an entire one-hour workout yesterday, consisting of squats, deadlifts and hip…
Hands holding planet Earth
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: God is Disappointed (and Kind of Over It)

In a rare and slightly awkward celestial press conference, God, the Almighty Creator, agreed to sit down for an exclusive interview to address His ongoing thoughts about humanity and Earth in general. With over a few millennia of watching things unfold, it seems the divine patience has been pushed to its holy limit. "It’s not like I expected perfection," God admitted, rubbing His temples as if an eternity of listening to human prayers had finally…
Mosquito on human
Posted inHealth & Wellness Interview

Interview: The Mosquito That Annoys You Specifically Speaks Up

The mosquito that has been specifically targeting you this summer has finally come forward to break its silence. Known as Jim, this bloodsucking annoyance sat down for an exclusive interview and to explain why it’s been relentlessly buzzing around your head at 2 a.m., biting your ankles during Netflix binges and generally making your life a living nightmare. “I’ll be honest,” Jim began, sipping a drop of your blood from a tiny thimble, “it’s nothing…
man in pain holding his head
Posted inHealth & Wellness Interview

Interview: Man Farts Stomach Cramps Away

In a resounding relief that experts consider extremely rare, Bart Frown, a systems engineer from Windy, TX, achieved what the population considers to be the most satisfying feeling: farting stomach cramps away. The event took place last Friday evening in his modest semi-detached home, after he devoured a plate of beans, sausages and an ill-advised side of pickled onions. "I honestly don't know what happened." confesses Bart, visibly confused by the situation. "I do tend…
Red space invader alien on a yellow brick wall
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: Abducted by Aliens, They Brought Him Back Because He Was Annoying.

In what experts are calling the "most underwhelming alien abduction in history," local man Trevor Dullard, 37, claims he was abducted by extraterrestrial beings last Thursday night. However, in a twist no one saw coming - except maybe his wife - the aliens returned Trevor to Earth within just two hours, citing that he was, in their words, “insufferably annoying.” "I thought I was chosen, you know? Special,” Trevor told us, wearing his Star Wars…
red tablets in their package
Posted inHealth & Wellness Interview Tech & Science

Interview: Study Participant Reports Death as Side-Effect from Medication

In a stunning revelation, local man Reginald "Reggie" Undergrove, 54, claims to have experienced what he describes as a “mild case of death” after participating in a clinical trial for a new medication aimed at treating mild headaches and colds. “I felt a bit off after taking the first dose," Reggie said, speaking exclusively to us posthumously via Ouija board. “And then BAM: dead. They didn't warned me it was a possible side effect and…
Women cooking and enjoying pasta
Posted inBreaking News Food Health & Wellness

Breaking: Nation in Crisis as Carb Consumption Linked to Rampant Happiness

September 2024 – Nationwide Emergency Declared Over Unchecked Joy In the biggest public health crisis since the pandemic, the nation finds itself spiraling into chaos as an alarming number of citizens report unprecedented levels of happiness. The culprit? Carbohydrates. According to a groundbreaking study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, carb-heavy foods like bread, pasta and potatoes have been directly linked to heightened levels of joy and contentment. Some have even reported…
Man and woman in suits looking down in the camera
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: Middle Manager Explains What She Does the Entire Day

The corporate world is shaking as Janet Henderson, a 36-year-old middle manager at Corpovista Solutions, has agreed to speak out about what she and her fellows middle managers do all day. We caught up with Janet in her “open door policy" office (which somehow makes her feel more important), where she was seated in her ergonomic chair, surrounded by inspirational posters that scream “this isn’t a cult, we swear!” With a determined look that only…