You know minimalism, right? That seductive lifestyle trend promising spiritual clarity, financial freedom and the smug satisfaction of living with fewer possessions than a Buddhist monk that you can brag about to your only friend – because you’re a minimalist in every aspect of your life. Also you’re annoying, so people tend to not want to be around you. It’s pitched as the ultimate hack for a world drowning in consumerism, but before you sell your furniture, ditch your mates and start eating your beans straight out of the can with your one sacred fork, let’s dismantle this concept by exposing a few myths.
Myth 1: Minimalism Makes You Enlightened
Or does it? Let me guess, by throwing out your collection of novelty mugs and reducing your wardrobe to three identical beige T-shirts that look like a toddler threw up on them uniformly, you’ve unlocked inner peace? Sure, me too. Owning fewer things doesn’t make you a guru; it makes you a bit boring at parties, but it’s not that big of a deal because you’re not invited anyways. I don’t know where enlightenment comes from but not being a complete tool surely helps and living in such an empty place it echoes when you sneeze is probably not a requirement.
Myth 2: Minimalism Saves You Money
Sure, you’ve stopped buying designer handbags and now claim your entire existence fits into a backpack – which is sad, by the way. But let’s talk about how much that “perfect minimalist backpack” set you back. Because minimalists don’t buy cheap stuff, oh no — they invest in “timeless, high-quality essentials.” Translation? You’re shelling out 300 bucks for a plain white shirt because it’s allegedly “sustainably sourced” except it’s greenwashing and it’s also the product of forced child labor. You got ripped off because ultimately it’s the exact same unethical shirt that you could’ve bought for a couple bucks and donated the rest to a food bank or something that could actually make a bit of a difference.
Myth 3: Minimalism Reduces Stress
The premise here is that owning fewer things equals fewer worries. Nice idea, but unless your main source of anxiety was genuinely your collection of Pokémon figurines, you’re just swapping clutter for existential dread. Instead of stressing over where to store your junk, you’ll stress over whether you own enough to survive an impromptu snowstorm or your grandma dropping by unannounced. Speaking of, good luck relaxing when every visitor to your sterile, soulless flat thinks you’ve either been robbed or are midway through a very sad divorce. Good thing nobody really wants to drop by anyway, right?
Read also: Guide: Living with Anxiety
Myth 4: Minimalism Is Eco-Friendly
Now we’re talking! The eco-warrior minimalist, flaunting their single pair of ethically sourced, vegan leather shoes while conveniently forgetting that they threw away two bins of perfectly usable crap to “declutter.” Mate, landfills aren’t minimalist. And don’t get me started on the amount of packaging your minimalist aesthetic requires when you replace every item you own with its artisanal, recyclable equivalent. Spoiler alert: Mother Nature doesn’t care how tidy your kitchen drawers are. It’s dying and tossing your stuff away to get less of it for more money isn’t gonna save it.
Myth 5: Minimalism Improves Relationships
Apparently, without material distractions, you’ll have more time for meaningful connections. Well, with all due respect, I call bull. In reality, your mates are sick of hearing about how “freeing” it was to get rid of your toaster, and they’re definitely not inviting you over because they know you’ll judge their throw pillows. Romantic relationships? Forget it. Nothing screams “run for the hills” like someone explaining why they only have one chair “to discourage idle company.”
Read also: Interview: Abducted by Aliens, They Brought Him Back Because He Was Annoying.
So, What’s the Truth About Minimalism?
Minimalism isn’t inherently bad. Or at least it’s not actively harmful to others, but let’s not kid ourselves here: it’s mostly a trendy flex for middle-class overthinkers who want to feel superior while pretending they’ve solved capitalism. Do you need less stuff? Maybe. Do you need to turn your flat into a live-in art gallery with all the warmth of a dentist’s waiting room? Probably not. So, keep your one fork if you must, but let’s not pretend it’s the key to happiness. You can’t KonMari your way out of existential despair, mate. Alright, now go enjoy your useless junk or, if you’re a minimalist, the sound of your echoey flat and don’t forget that even minimalists could use an extra spatula sometimes.
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