One wooden chair in the middle of an empty room
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

The Myths of Minimalism: Owning One Fork Won’t Make You Enlightened

You know minimalism, right? That seductive lifestyle trend promising spiritual clarity, financial freedom and the smug satisfaction of living with fewer possessions than a Buddhist monk that you can brag about to your only friend - because you're a minimalist in every aspect of your life. Also you're annoying, so people tend to not want to be around you. It’s pitched as the ultimate hack for a world drowning in consumerism, but before you sell…
man laughing
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Man Told to “Get Over It” Actually Gets Over It

Experts are calling this a once-in-a-millennium event: a 32-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida, has defied the very laws of human stubbornness by actually “getting over it” after being told to do so. The groundbreaking achievement has taken therapists by surprise, fed toxic comment sections as well as passive-aggressive family dinners worldwide. The man, identified as Gavin Lovitz, reportedly accomplished this emotional miracle last Wednesday during a heated argument over something that was gotten over so…
Two interlocked hands
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Navigate Romantic Relationships

Love is patient, love is kind — and love is also a relentless marathon of passive-aggressive instant messages, shared passwords and of trying not to elbow dive someone because they chewed too loudly during dinner. Romantic relationships are tricky business but don’t worry, my impaired calamity, I’ve got the ultimate guide to navigating them like the absolute train wreck that you are. Step 1: Lower Your Standards Immediately Let’s be honest here, my pumpkin latte.…
Person holding kale
Posted inGuide Health & Wellness

Guide: The Myths of Healthy Eating

Healthy eating is sold as a world dominated by superfoods, overpriced powders and influencers who swear their 20 bucks smoothie holds the key to immortality. The reality? Your fridge is stuffed with sad, wilted greens and your cupboards with jars of chia seeds plotting to glue your insides together. Let’s check the nonsense and unravel the myths of healthy eating, one overpriced almond at a time. Myth 1: Superfoods Are Super Superfoods are marketed as…
Man squatting heavy weight
Posted inInterview Sports & Fitness

Man Finishes Bodybuilding: ‘I Lifted All the Weights’

Derek “The Tank” Johnson, the man who shook the scientific world with his discovery of the “Fleximus Prime” muscle, has once again turned the gym reality upside-down as he announced his retirement from bodybuilding, claiming he has “completed” the sport. “That’s it, boys,” Derek claimed, standing proudly on the calf raise machine. “I’ve lifted every weight there is; I'm done! Mission accomplished!” The declaration came after a marathon session in which Derek allegedly benched in…
White Angry Robot Toy on Round Black Table
Posted inBreaking News Politics

Breaking: New AI Can Lie, Gaslight and Mansplain; Is Elected President

History took a turn and maybe not for the best, or not for the worst, analysts aren't quite sure yet: the latest artificial intelligence, dubbed "MAGAtron", has taken the entire world by storm. Built by a team of subversive rogue tech bros and funded by a suspiciously large donation from an unnamed social media tycoon (formerly Twitter), MAGAtron has perfected the trifecta of modern leadership: lying, gaslighting and mansplaining. Propelled by its disproportionate ego, its…
Wrestler jumping on ring
Posted inBreaking News Education Politics

Breaking: Wrestling Enters Classroom in New Education Reform

Education Gets Pinned The authorities' latest move seems more inspired by a misguided midlife crisis than actual benevolence as professional wrestling has been introduced to the education system under the banner “Chokesmart and Brainbuster.” The initiative, touted as a revolutionary way to boost student engagement and discipline, blends academic lessons with the high-energy chaos of a wrestling ring. The premise is simple: if students won’t pay attention to lectures, maybe they’ll tune in when their…
Toddler With Red Adidas Sweat Shirt
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Parenting

Children: A Guide to Humanity’s Most Infuriating Achievement

Children... Those pint-sized sociopaths with sticky hands, the unearned confidence of a mediocre white man and a moral compass spinning wildly into the abyss. Once heralded as the “future,” they’ve revealed themselves as nature’s cruelest joke, sent here to dismantle your peace, wallet and will to live - all while being unable to wipe their own butt. Let’s be clear: the world doesn’t need more of them. Yet, here we are, drowning in a sea…
Brain inscription on box under flying paper pieces
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Have No Common Sense

Congratulations, my little mongoose! You’ve finally realized something that most of us noticed about a couple eons ago: you have absolutely no common sense. Like none of it - and don't kid yourself: you can't make it with up with your looks because, well, your looks are... Alright, focus, common sense - you wouldn’t recognize it if it came up and stapled itself to your forehead, but don't be afraid, for I'm here to offer…
judge looking in the camera in a judgemental way
Posted inBreaking News Relationships

Breaking: Scientists Reveal That ‘Brutally Honest’ People Are Just Rude

A groundbreaking study was released this week as a team of scientists has confirmed what the general public has suspected for years: people who proudly declare themselves “brutally honest” are, in fact, just plain rude. The revelation has sent shockwaves through friend groups, family gatherings and offices everywhere, leaving self-proclaimed "truth-tellers" scrambling to defend their unfiltered remarks about your appearance, lifestyle choices, and weight gain. The study, conducted over two years, observed hundreds of individuals…