Do you ever find yourself stepping into a conversation with your boss, armed to the teeth with logic, facts and an unwavering sense of justice, only to leave with what’s left of your dignity torn to shreds and a fresh list of things you “could improve on”? Welcome to the glorious world of Being Right, But Also Wrong. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried this several times, thinking, “Today’s the day my boss finally realizes how brilliant I am!” Spoiler: It’s not, and you’re not. Let me walk you through this masterclass in workplace dynamics
Step 1: Start Strong, But Not Too Strong
First things first, if you’ve got a fact, hold on to it for dear life. Yes, it is the hill you will die on, but you will need it later when you’re spiraling into a black hole of corporate nonsense. Start off your argument with something undeniable, like “Actually, per the employee handbook, we’re entitled to one-hour lunch breaks.”
Your boss will likely nod, acknowledge this factual tidbit and then proceed to suggest you “voluntarily” shorten your lunch because “real leaders eat at their desks.” or some nonsense about going the extra mile. And boom, just like that, you’ve been gaslit into believing hunger is for the weak. Congratulations, you’re one step closer to being right, yet wrong.
Step 2: Present Data and Watch It Get Mysteriously Misinterpreted
Nothing says “I’ve got this in the bag” like solid data, right? You roll up to the meeting with your pie charts and bar graphs, confidently presenting in what way the project timelines you suggested are more efficient. But then your boss tilts their head, squints at the screen, and says something like, “I take the point but I have a gut feeling on this one.” Note that the point taking was rhetorical – the only thing your boss took was another chunk of your self-confidence.
Now, here’s where you lose the battle and your sanity simultaneously because, apparently, the human gut is far more reliable than data collected over 6 months. Your boss’s stomach just knows better than your facts and probably has a better parking spot too. Get used to it.
Step 3: Argue Semantics, Lose Big
At some point in your career, you’ll make the rookie mistake of thinking technical accuracy will save you. It won’t. “Actually, what you asked for was a summary, not a full report,” you might say, with the courage of someone reporting to Joffrey Baratheon.
To which your boss will reply, “Why would I want a summary instead of a full report? I’m sorry but you should have known better.” And there it is: telepathy! How silly of you not to have developed that crucial workplace skill. Technically, you’re right, but as you’ll soon learn, being right and having job security are mutually exclusive.
Step 4: Introduce Logic, Watch It Burn
You’ve now entered the danger zone that is trying to apply logic to a scenario that actively resists it. Take for example the time you tried to explain why an unrealistic deadline was, in fact, unrealistic. You laid it out: the hours required, the lack of resources, the laws of physics, maybe even time itself.
But your boss leans back, crosses their arms, and hits you with a smug, “I’m sure you can make it happen,” saying this with the confidence of someone who hasn’t opened a spreadsheet since the Bush administration. Their job is basically to delegate themself to you, don’t forget that.
Step 5: Accept Defeat (And More Work)
At the end of every debate, when your well-constructed arguments lie in shambles and your self-esteem’s hanging by a thread, your boss will hit you with the final blow: the “I hear what you’re saying, but we’re going to move in a different direction.” Translation: “You’re right, but that’s irrelevant.”
And just like that, you’ve not only lost the debate, but you’ve somehow been assigned three new projects because “you seem to have such a good grasp of the topic.”
Step 6: Embrace Your New Reality
This is your life now. You’ll leave these debates questioning everything: your job, your life choices, the meaning of “debate” itself. You were right. Everyone knows you were right. Even your boss knows you were right. But what does that matter in the grand scheme of things? It doesn’t because your boss will always be righter than you.
Now, not only do you have to implement your boss’s terrible idea, but you also have to fix it when it inevitably blows up. But remember, you were “technically” correct the whole time, and that’s what really matters, right? Right?
