The Flatypus

Guide: Accept Yourself

The Flatypus — Sun, 18 Jan 2026 13:04:40 +0000

Hello there, welcome… Don’t get hyped up, I don’t mean this in the warm sense, more like the resigned nod you give someone who’s clearly staying. Anyway, this is about accepting yourself, which is a bold move because you’ve already tried ignoring yourself, reinventing yourself, pretending you were “just tired,” and everything in between. None of that stuck, obviously, so now we’re here…

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Being an Adult – An Honest Review

The Flatypus — Sun, 30 Nov 2025 12:29:06 +0000

Alright let’s not waste any of your time because you need to go back to doing absolutely nothing constructive: being an adult sucks. If you don’t agree with this statement it means you’re either a child or a houseplant. In fact, the only things that suck more than being an adult are houseplants and children (in that order.) Lucky for you, I cover all the reasons why in this masterpiece of Internet…

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Guide: Your Twenties

The Flatypus — Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:08 +0000

The twenties are that magical span of time where you’re supposed to find yourself, build a career, fall in love, develop a personality, maintain glowing skin, save for a house, become a global citizen and, somehow, eat enough fiber. You enter this decade with light in your eyes and exit it with back pain, regrets and a haunted look you picked up around 28. The thing about your twenties is…

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Breaking: Girlfriend Who Said “I’m Fine” Was Actually Fine

The Flatypus — Sun, 16 Nov 2025 12:34:56 +0000

World leaders are considering convening an emergency summit while boyfriends everywhere are left trembling in uncertainty… A Catastrophic Breach in Relationship Protocol Around dinner time last night, a quiet suburban flat became ground zero for what experts are already calling “a seismic collapse in emotional subtext.” A 27-year-old woman reportedly said the phrase “I’m fine” and, for the first time in recorded history, was found to be actually, genuinely fine. Her boyfriend, a 28-year-old man…

Interview: Confessions of an Honest Politician

The Flatypus — Thu, 06 Nov 2025 20:34:46 +0000

In a rare moment of professional integrity, a well-known politician agreed to an interview with that one condition: he’d actually tell the truth. No aides, no spin doctors, no pre-approved lines written by interns who think “accountability” is a fancy cocktail. Just one man, his ego and the faint smell of deceit masked by expensive cologne. He arrived fifteen minutes late, “fashionably,”…

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Guide: Moving, A Comprehensive Exercise in Human Misery

The Flatypus — Sat, 01 Nov 2025 11:30:33 +0000

Moving house or apartment isn’t just a “task.” It’s a modern-day endurance trial disguised as an act of personal growth, or just a sign that a few hundreds years ago you would have failed that “survival of the fittest” thingy. Somewhere between the first box and the fifth nervous breakdown, you’ll realize that sedentary civilization was a mistake and that minimalists might be onto something.

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Interview: Man Shamelessly Uses Speakerphone in Public Transport

The Flatypus — Sun, 10 Aug 2025 16:35:12 +0000

Darren Holcomb greets me with the same unapologetic smile he wore the day he became that guy on the subway. To him, the now-infamous seven minutes and fifty-two seconds of public speakerphone phone call were not a breach of etiquette but a “shared urban moment,” a gift, really, to an otherwise “dead” commute. “I don’t see why people get so uptight,” Holcomb says, settling into the café…

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Air Travel – An Honest Review

The Flatypus — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 08:12:55 +0000

Planes. Need I say more? Of course I do! Planes are those flying tin sausages humanity cooked up to blast through the air at 900 km/h (550 mph for those who can’t digest the metric system), packed tighter than a 19th-century orphanage and just as joyful. The marvel of aviation was born from one simple, unhinged human desire: defying physics while being served a curry in a microwave tray at 10 km…

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Guide: Become an Alpha Male

The Flatypus — Sun, 29 Jun 2025 10:07:36 +0000

So, you want to become an alpha male? The man so powerful he once won an argument with himself? The kind of specimen that doesn’t cry, doesn’t apologize and absolutely does not eat yogurt because “it’s a beta food”? Then you’re at the right place. Now you have a choice: either you pay 18k for a 3-day “bootcamp” or you read this guide and venmo me later. Still here? Perfect. Now strap in, nerd…

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Breaking: Office Worker Confuses Troubleshooting with Trouble-Shouting, Fixes Printer by Yelling at It

The Flatypus — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 16:47:42 +0000

Dave Edwards, a self-proclaimed “tech wizard”, has stunned his entire company and IT professionals worldwide by successfully fixing his office printer through the sheer power of aggravated shouting. Edwards, 43, who describes his computer literacy as “I watched the pilot of The IT Crowd, so above average,” had been wrestling with the office nemesis HP LaserJet for a few days already when…

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