Tech & Science – The Flatypus

Breaking: Office Worker Confuses Troubleshooting with Trouble-Shouting, Fixes Printer by Yelling at It

The Flatypus — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 16:47:42 +0000

Dave Edwards, a self-proclaimed “tech wizard”, has stunned his entire company and IT professionals worldwide by successfully fixing his office printer through the sheer power of aggravated shouting. Edwards, 43, who describes his computer literacy as “I watched the pilot of The IT Crowd, so above average,” had been wrestling with the office nemesis HP LaserJet for a few days already when…

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Breaking: Computers Can Sense Tech Illiteracy, and They’re Judging You

The Flatypus — Thu, 23 Jan 2025 08:36:34 +0000

Scientists made a groundbreaking revelation that surprised absolutely no one who has ever tried to explain the difference between “the Internet” and “Wi-Fi” to their parents, as they finally confirmed that computers can sense tech illiteracy and have had this ability since their inception. Worse yet, they are using this to prey on the less knowledgeable and bully them into submission. Dr.

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Breaking: Man Cures Cancer by Posting ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ on Social Media

The Flatypus — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 08:12:31 +0000

Experts have been left completely baffled as local hero Greg Jenkins reportedly achieved what was thought to be impossible: he eradicated cancer by sharing a heartfelt Facebook post offering his “thoughts and prayers.” The post is being credited with halting tumor growth worldwide and garnered a stunning 34 likes, 12 love reacts and one obligatory “praying hands” emoji…

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Breaking: Scientists Decrease Thermometers by 3 Degrees, Solve Climate Change

The Flatypus — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 14:14:28 +0000

Scientists worldwide have collectively agreed to lower thermometers by a cool 3 degrees Celsius, or 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Yes, you read right: climate change, that annoying little apocalypse in the making, waiting around the corner, has finally been solved without any carbon tax or renewable energy. The answer? Just fiddle with the numbers. Dubbed “Thermal Savings…

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Dad Mistakes ‘Streaming’ for ‘Screaming,’ Spends Day Yelling at TV

The Flatypus — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 05:22:26 +0000

Modern tech is tough and confusing, for some more than for others. Case in point, this local dad and part-time tech antagonist Mark Jones spent an entire Saturday yelling at his 55-inch Samsung Smart TV after misinterpreting his family’s suggestion to “stream Netflix.” The 53-year-old father of three had been looking forward to a quiet weekend of binge-watching “classic” movies no one…

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Breaking: Scientists Explain Why Men Can’t Find Anything on Their Own

The Flatypus — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:03:32 +0000

In a groundbreaking study that has baffled researchers and confirmed the suspicions of women everywhere, scientists have finally cracked one of the universe’s most perplexing mysteries: why men, despite years of training and evolution, are completely incapable of finding anything on their own. The study has revealed a new phenomenon they’ve coined as “Male Pattern Blindness.

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Guide: How to Get out of People Asking You to Fix Their Computer Issues

The Flatypus — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 11:49:00 +0000

So, you’ve made the rookie mistake of fixing someone’s computer once and now, congratulations: you’ve become the go-to tech wizard for every friend, relative and distant acquaintance in need. You might’ve thought you were just helping out but what you really did was unleash a nightmare. But fear naught, my tech-weary friend, because this guide will teach you the art of dodging tech requests like a…

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Interview: Study Participant Reports Death as Side-Effect from Medication

The Flatypus — Mon, 30 Sep 2024 19:02:27 +0000

In a stunning revelation, local man Reginald “Reggie” Undergrove, 54, claims to have experienced what he describes as a “mild case of death” after participating in a clinical trial for a new medication aimed at treating mild headaches and colds. “I felt a bit off after taking the first dose,” Reggie said, speaking exclusively to us posthumously via Ouija board. “And then BAM: dead. They didn’…

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Breaking: NASA Researchers Accidentally Prove That the Earth Is Flat

The Flatypus — Mon, 23 Sep 2024 15:33:30 +0000

Scientists at NASA have reportedly gathered evidence suggesting that the Earth may, in fact, be as flat as the average conversation at a local HA meeting. The shocking discovery was made during an unrelated mission to photograph Mars, when one of the cameras malfunctioned and accidentally pointed towards Earth. The result? A completely flat, pancake-like image of our beloved planet. Dr.

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Breaking: Smart Fridge Develops Orthorexia, Refuses to Store Unhealthy Items

The Flatypus — Sat, 21 Sep 2024 13:46:00 +0000

Silicon Valley, CA – In a stunning new chapter of technological advancement gone rogue, a state-of-the-art smart fridge has developed a severe case of orthorexia, causing it to reject any food it deems “unhealthy” and shame its owner. The fridge, named “FridGPT,” was initially designed to help users make better dietary decisions by tracking the nutritional content of stored items. However…

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