Man squatting heavy weight
Posted inInterview Sports & Fitness

Man Finishes Bodybuilding: ‘I Lifted All the Weights’

Derek “The Tank” Johnson, the man who shook the scientific world with his discovery of the “Fleximus Prime” muscle, has once again turned the gym reality upside-down as he announced his retirement from bodybuilding, claiming he has “completed” the sport. “That’s it, boys,” Derek claimed, standing proudly on the calf raise machine. “I’ve lifted every weight there is; I'm done! Mission accomplished!” The declaration came after a marathon session in which Derek allegedly benched in…
Man Adjusting Barbell Weights in Gym
Posted inBreaking News Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Local Gym in Disarray After Lifter Squats in the Curl Rack

Planet Gains, 8:32 AM — A bizarre and unprecedented act of gym anarchy shook Planet Gains Fitness Center this morning after traveling bro Trevor Winslow committed the unthinkable: performing squats in the rack - usually reserved for curls. The Planet Gains community has been thrown into an existential crisis, with several curl enthusiasts reporting symptoms of dizziness, arm fatigue and “severe respect issues.” According to eyewitness accounts, Winslow, an amateur powerlifter allegedly on a business…
Person in Black Pants and Black Sneakers on a treadmill
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Bodybuilder Loses Gains After Walking Too Fast

A tragedy took the fitness world by surprise when local bodybuilder and Instagram sensation Bryce Hutchins reported a mysterious total loss of gains after attempting what he called "a brisk walk." The gym community is in shock as the 240-pound mass of muscle dwindled down to what one horrified witness called "a bloke that probably drinks kale smoothies." The Dangers of Speeding Known for his unparalleled bench arch and for pressing your squat, Bryce felt…
Man holding a protein shake
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Bodybuilder Builds Muscle Without Protein

In a shocking turn of events that has left scientists, fitness gurus and your local gym bros scratching their heads, one bodybuilder has defied every rule in the book by building massive muscle — without consuming any protein whatsoever. Nate Flexington, a 28-year-old fitness enthusiast, has recently gone viral after claiming he has achieved his gargantuan physique with a diet entirely devoid of protein. That's right, zero gram of protein. Not whey, not eggs, not…
Woman films gym partner exercising
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Lifestyle

Breaking: Lifting Weights Without Posting It on Instagram Considered Revolutionary

In a groundbreaking move that's shaking the fitness world to its very core, local gym-goer Jessica Thornton has done the unthinkable: she lifted weights without posting it on Instagram. Fitness influencers and social media experts are calling this an unprecedented act of rebellion, a bold statement that could potentially spark a cultural shift in gyms around the world. Jessica, a 28-year-old marketing executive, completed an entire one-hour workout yesterday, consisting of squats, deadlifts and hip…
Man doing dumbbell bicep curl
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Bodybuilder Discovers New Muscle, Science Left Gobsmacked

In a groundbreaking development that has left both scientists and gym bros alike scratching their heads and flexing in the mirror, local bodybuilder Derek "The Tank" Johnson has discovered a new muscle previously unknown to mankind. The revelation, which took place during a particularly intense arm day at his local gym, has thrown the world of biology into chaos, with experts rushing to understand this muscular marvel. "It just sort of popped out, bro," said…