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Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Relationships

Breaking: You’re An Asshole

Today marks the day of a not-so-groundbreaking revelation; what everyone has been suspecting for ages is now official: you're a top of the line, industrial-grade, vacuum-sealed, organic, USDA-approved asshole. Stop the Presses! Far from a plot-twist, this news is as shocking as discovering that water makes things wet or that politicians lie: you’ve officially been recognized for what you truly are. Researchers "discovered" what anyone with eyes, ears or half a brain-cell has known all…
Two interlocked hands
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Navigate Romantic Relationships

Love is patient, love is kind — and love is also a relentless marathon of passive-aggressive instant messages, shared passwords and of trying not to elbow dive someone because they chewed too loudly during dinner. Romantic relationships are tricky business but don’t worry, my impaired calamity, I’ve got the ultimate guide to navigating them like the absolute train wreck that you are. Step 1: Lower Your Standards Immediately Let’s be honest here, my pumpkin latte.…
judge looking in the camera in a judgemental way
Posted inBreaking News Relationships

Breaking: Scientists Reveal That ‘Brutally Honest’ People Are Just Rude

A groundbreaking study was released this week as a team of scientists has confirmed what the general public has suspected for years: people who proudly declare themselves “brutally honest” are, in fact, just plain rude. The revelation has sent shockwaves through friend groups, family gatherings and offices everywhere, leaving self-proclaimed "truth-tellers" scrambling to defend their unfiltered remarks about your appearance, lifestyle choices, and weight gain. The study, conducted over two years, observed hundreds of individuals…
Woman protester holding sign in front of a camera
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t See the Problem with Patriarchy

Local White Man Sets Record Straight, Confirms World’s Been Fine All Along Robert Brooks, 47, a white man describing himself as “more of a big-picture thinker”, bravely declared his steadfast belief that patriarchy is “probably blown out of proportion” and “not something we really need to be fussed about.” Speaking from his cushy leather armchair in the "man cave" he mostly furnished himself, Brooks generously took time out of his rigorous day of scrolling Twitter…
Woman Holding White Book
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Relationships

Breaking News: Men Shocked to Discover Women Have Opinions Without Their Permission

Nobody could believe it and yet it is true - men across the nation have been left in shock as they get acquainted with the radical concept that women, indeed, have thoughts, opinions and voices that don't require male endorsement. This revelation, apparently as unexpected as the switch to daylight saving time, has shaken the foundations of conversation dynamics everywhere, leaving many men bewildered and asking themselves, "But… when did this start?" A Harrowing Reality…
Man comparing boxes of noodles in a store
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Girlfriend Sent You Shopping

Congratulations, mate! You've been sent to the grocery store by your better half. It's a rite of passage in every relationship, a task that seems simple but will likely leave you questioning your entire existence by the end of it. But don’t worry, this guide will walk you through the steps of surviving this nightmare so that when you come crawling back with your tail between your legs like the massive disappointment that you are,…
Woman complaining to husband at home
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Partner’s Love Language is Complaining

Some people prefer words of affirmation, others gifts or maybe quality time. But if you're reading this, it's because your beloved - bless their cynical heart - has mastered the art of expressing love through... complaining. Yes, my lucky kiwi, your partner’s deepest affections are conveyed in sighs, eyerolls, self-pity and lengthy rants about life’s smallest inconveniences. How to deal with it? I'm glad you asked! Step 1: Understand the Subtle Beauty of Their Craft…
Two men talking
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Small Talk, Because Silence is Scary

We all know small talk, the true art of saying absolutely nothing but pretending it's crucial to your survival. It’s the difference between being labeled “approachable” or “the bloke who avoids eye contact like everyone's Medusa.” We’ve all been there, cornered at the water cooler or trapped in the lift with someone you vaguely know but wish you didn’t. But fear naught, my bubbly friend, because I’m here to arm you with the essential skills…
Man having laptop problems
Posted inGuide Relationships Tech & Science

Guide: How to Get out of People Asking You to Fix Their Computer Issues

So, you’ve made the rookie mistake of fixing someone’s computer once and now, congratulations: you’ve become the go-to tech wizard for every friend, relative and distant acquaintance in need. You might’ve thought you were just helping out but what you really did was unleash a nightmare. But fear naught, my tech-weary friend, because this guide will teach you the art of dodging tech requests like a pro, ensuring that no one ever asks you to…
Couple kissing near a glass window
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Wife (or Girlfriend) is Way Hotter Than You

Let’s face it, mate: your girlfriend (or wife for those of you who followed this guide) is a certified smoke show, and you, well… you’re the human equivalent of a round of blue cheese. But don’t panic, you potato sack, because this guide is here to help you navigate life as the less-attractive half of a relationship without completely collapsing under the weight of your own mediocrity. Let’s get real: if you’re reading this, you’ve…