Child playing in front of a house crushed by a falling tree
Posted inLifestyle Personal Development

Screw Positive Thinking: Embrace Your Inner Pessimist

Let’s get one thing straight, my lovelies: positive thinking is overrated. Yeah, you heard me right. All those chirpy, sunshine-and-rainbows folks telling you to "just think positive" are the real menace to society. They’re like walking motivational posters, except worse, because they won’t shut up about it. Look, the world is a dumpster fire half the time, and if you're smart enough, you already know it. And still, here come the “positive thinkers,” waving their…
Old pictures spread on a table
Posted inEducation Lifestyle Personal Development

Back in the Days: A Nostalgic Rant

Ah, the good old days. The days when life made sense and we didn't have to worry about "Followers" or whatever the kids are calling it now. If you're old like me then you will understand, if you're not then buckle up because I'm about to take you down memory lane, and it's paved with suffering and character-building. Read also: You Aged Like Milk, So What? No Cell Phones - We Just Hollered Back in…
Man doing dumbbell bicep curl
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Bodybuilder Discovers New Muscle, Science Left Gobsmacked

In a groundbreaking development that has left both scientists and gym bros alike scratching their heads and flexing in the mirror, local bodybuilder Derek "The Tank" Johnson has discovered a new muscle previously unknown to mankind. The revelation, which took place during a particularly intense arm day at his local gym, has thrown the world of biology into chaos, with experts rushing to understand this muscular marvel. "It just sort of popped out, bro," said…
Thre doughnuts stacked on each other
Posted inFood Health & Wellness Interview

Interview: Man Successfully Blames A Doughnut He Ate In 2008 For His Weight Gain

39-year-old Gerard "Biggie" Gagnon of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, has achieved what many have only dreamed of: successfully blaming a single doughnut from 2008 for his current weight of 308 pounds, or 140 kilograms. This groundbreaking achievement was revealed in an exclusive interview that left nutritionists, personal trainers and common sense in complete disarray. "I remember it like it was yesterday," Gerard told us, wiping his hands on his sweatpants for the fifth time during the…
Snow field with fence and trees in the background
Posted inLifestyle

Winter Is Coming… With a Vengeance

Winter, aka the season where the planet decides "You know what? I'm done with warmth and joy for a while. Let's make everyone miserable." As we brace for the Arctic slap in the face, we reflect on the warning signs: the first chill, the ominous whispers of wind, the annual sacrifice of all remaining hope. Winter, with its passive-aggressive attitude, is no longer just coming. Oh no... It's plotting. This year, it's not just snowflakes,…
Person man woman gazing into the void
Posted inLifestyle

It Is What It Is

Alright let's cut to the chase, you ambitious baboon: if you're still expecting life to hand you anything more than a lukewarm cup of mediocrity, you're in for a rude awakening. Remember that dream job you thought you'd have by 30? Yeah well turns out that "Lead Visionary" at that artisanal coffee start-up translates to Barista with a Bachelor's Degree. And nobody cares about your passion for latte art. Lower those expectations, mate. Expect the…
man lying on grass, content to procrastinate
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Personal Development

Guide: How to Procrastinate With Style

Welcome, slackers, daydreamers and "I’ll do it tomorrow"-ers. If you're here, it's because you've got work to do but doing it just doesn't vibe with your life right now, am I right? Maybe it never will but fear naught for I am here to teach you how to procrastinate like a pro: with style, finesse and absolutely no shame. Let’s elevate that habit into an art form, shall we? Step 1: Convince Yourself That You…
Influencer photographing a salad with a smartphone
Posted inLifestyle

Influencers

Gone are the days when we looked to scholars, artists or even politicians (muffled laugh) for guidance. We've now turned to influencers, those glorious beacons of human achievement. Who needs Aristotle when you’ve got Kevvins with 3 million followers to teach you how to bench optimally? We live in an era where life's most profound questions, that is “How should I live?” and “Which skincare routine will make me look like an Instagram filter IRL?”,…
Scale with a meter ribbon on to pof it
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

What Your Diet Says About You

Aaah, diets. The culinary self-flagellation we all subject ourselves to in the name of “health” (or getting beach-body-ready for an Instagram post we’ll filter to hell anyway). What we choose to stuff in our faces says more about our personalities than any BuzzFeed quiz ever could. In that spirit, let's break down 10 popular diets and let's see what they really say about you, you plonker. Keto Diet Starting strong, right? You’ve told every single…
You Aged Like Milk, So What?
Posted inHealth & Wellness Lifestyle

You Aged Like Milk, So What?

Let’s face it mate: time hasn’t exactly been kind to you. But before you drown yourself in self-pity or anti-wrinkle cream, here’s a little perspective: you're not the only one to age like milk, you’re just at the front of the fridge, and honestly it’s no big deal. Here are 10 reasons why: 1. You Were Never Going to be the Mona Lisa Anyway.Let’s be real: even in your prime, you weren't quite a masterpiece.…