The clock of the Big Ben building

Local Man Refuses to Switch to Winter Time, Declares War on “Big Clock”

This is an act of rebellion that nobody would have ever thought witnessing: Greg Allen, a 42-year-old accountant from Milwaukee, has announced that he will no longer be participating in the biannual ritual of adjusting clocks for Daylight Saving Time. While most Americans and Europeans set their clocks back last weekend, getting their hour back after trading it in the name of tradition and proven useless energy-saving measures, Greg remains defiantly on “his own schedule,”…
messy table

Guide: ADHD, How to Function When Your Brain is a Pinball Machine

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve likely realized that your brain isn’t quite the sleek, streamlined jet engine of focus that society expects. Nope, instead, you’ve been gifted with a mind that’s more like a blender without a lid where ideas, thoughts and distractions fly around at warp speed, covering everything in a sticky mess of chaos. Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD, where starting 10 projects at once and finishing none is an…
Woman meditating in lotus position

Woman Confuses ‘Mindfulness’ with ‘Mind Fullness,’ Memorizes Half of Wikipedia, Can’t Find Inner Peace

Experts are calling it "the most dedicated misunderstanding of all time": Jane Higgins has spent the last four years memorizing Wikipedia after confusing the concept of "mindfulness" with what she thought was "mind fullness." Instead of finding inner peace through meditation and awareness, she embarked on an exhausting mental binge that has brought her far from tranquility but left her capable of reciting the entire periodic table, listing every minor battle of the Napoleonic Wars…
Man in red shirt holding his face

Guide: Living with Anxiety

Welcome, you anxious disaster! If you’re reading this, it means you’ve officially given up on trying to fix yourself and have accepted that your life will be an endless loop of worrying about things that barely matter. Good, it’s about time you faced the facts: you’re a walking catastrophe with a mind like a hamster wheel of negativity, and there’s no way out. This guide right here is your ultimate survival kit for that pitiful…
Man holding a protein shake

Breaking: Bodybuilder Builds Muscle Without Protein

In a shocking turn of events that has left scientists, fitness gurus and your local gym bros scratching their heads, one bodybuilder has defied every rule in the book by building massive muscle — without consuming any protein whatsoever. Nate Flexington, a 28-year-old fitness enthusiast, has recently gone viral after claiming he has achieved his gargantuan physique with a diet entirely devoid of protein. That's right, zero gram of protein. Not whey, not eggs, not…
Blind man helped to read a book by woman

Breaking: Scientists Explain Why Men Can’t Find Anything on Their Own

In a groundbreaking study that has baffled researchers and confirmed the suspicions of women everywhere, scientists have finally cracked one of the universe’s most perplexing mysteries: why men, despite years of training and evolution, are completely incapable of finding anything on their own. The study has revealed a new phenomenon they’ve coined as “Male Pattern Blindness.” This condition apparently renders men physically unable to locate objects that are right in front of their faces. Lead…
Man passed out from drinking with friends

Breaking: Local Idiot Claims ‘Monkeys Are In Charge’ After Heavy Night Out

Liverpool, UK – The dire event has left the local pub’s early-morning crowd both amused and bewildered: local resident Gary "Gaz" Evans, 34, claims he has woken up on the set of Planet of the Apes "except it was real" after a “legendary” night out. Witnesses report that Gaz stumbled out of the local pub at approximately 10:12 p.m. after "more than a skinful" and an unsuccessful attempt to convince the bar staff that he…
Black wolf on green grass

Interview With a Sigma Male: The Lone Wolf Who Doesn’t Need Society but Will Explain It to You Anyway

In a world brimming with “alpha” this and “beta” that, one man stands apart - not above, mind you, just apart. Meet Chadley Steele, a self-proclaimed "Sigma Male" who, as he’s keen to remind us, operates on a plane so transcendent that society itself is irrelevant to his existence. Naturally, we had to hear from the man who thrives alone in the shadows, though apparently not too alone, given his robust presence on several internet…
Woman films gym partner exercising

Breaking: Lifting Weights Without Posting It on Instagram Considered Revolutionary

In a groundbreaking move that's shaking the fitness world to its very core, local gym-goer Jessica Thornton has done the unthinkable: she lifted weights without posting it on Instagram. Fitness influencers and social media experts are calling this an unprecedented act of rebellion, a bold statement that could potentially spark a cultural shift in gyms around the world. Jessica, a 28-year-old marketing executive, completed an entire one-hour workout yesterday, consisting of squats, deadlifts and hip…
alcohol, liquor display in a bar

Alcohol

Ah, alcohol! Some fun in a bottle. That divine fluid that turns boring accountants (and you) into Evel Knievel, that makes the ugly (and you) pretty, the sad (and you) funny, that makes social interactions a little more bearable and generally makes life suck less. Mankind was smart and probably desperate enough to discover alcohol pretty soon in its history for all future generations to enjoy. Life 2.0 Because yes, alcohol enhances everything! Food? Better…