man laughing
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Man Told to “Get Over It” Actually Gets Over It

Experts are calling this a once-in-a-millennium event: a 32-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida, has defied the very laws of human stubbornness by actually “getting over it” after being told to do so. The groundbreaking achievement has taken therapists by surprise, fed toxic comment sections as well as passive-aggressive family dinners worldwide. The man, identified as Gavin Lovitz, reportedly accomplished this emotional miracle last Wednesday during a heated argument over something that was gotten over so…
Toddler With Red Adidas Sweat Shirt
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Parenting

Children: A Guide to Humanity’s Most Infuriating Achievement

Children... Those pint-sized sociopaths with sticky hands, the unearned confidence of a mediocre white man and a moral compass spinning wildly into the abyss. Once heralded as the “future,” they’ve revealed themselves as nature’s cruelest joke, sent here to dismantle your peace, wallet and will to live - all while being unable to wipe their own butt. Let’s be clear: the world doesn’t need more of them. Yet, here we are, drowning in a sea…
Brain inscription on box under flying paper pieces
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Have No Common Sense

Congratulations, my little mongoose! You’ve finally realized something that most of us noticed about a couple eons ago: you have absolutely no common sense. Like none of it - and don't kid yourself: you can't make it with up with your looks because, well, your looks are... Alright, focus, common sense - you wouldn’t recognize it if it came up and stapled itself to your forehead, but don't be afraid, for I'm here to offer…
Woman protester holding sign in front of a camera
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t See the Problem with Patriarchy

Local White Man Sets Record Straight, Confirms World’s Been Fine All Along Robert Brooks, 47, a white man describing himself as “more of a big-picture thinker”, bravely declared his steadfast belief that patriarchy is “probably blown out of proportion” and “not something we really need to be fussed about.” Speaking from his cushy leather armchair in the "man cave" he mostly furnished himself, Brooks generously took time out of his rigorous day of scrolling Twitter…
Lots of CCTV cameras on a brick wall above a black door pointing at two women
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Paranoid

Alright, let me introduce you to paranoia: it's not just a fleeting thought; it’s a full-time job. You don’t dabble in paranoia. You commit. Welcome to the ultimate survival guide on how to live your best paranoid life. You think you’re suspicious now? Think again. By the end of this, you’ll be side-eyeing your toaster and taking notes on everyone who says “good morning.” Let’s dive in, you mug. Step 1: Technology Is Evil Think…
Ten-Pins in the Bowling Pin Deck
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Being Very Undude

Alright, my nice marmot, if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this guide, chances are you’ve hit a fork in the road to chill. Your vibes? They’re off. Your aura? It's down there somewhere, just take another look. Now it’s time for a reality check, dude: You’re being very undude. And that’s just not, like, my opinion, man - it’s objectively and completely true. But fret not, for this guide is here to help you get back…
Buddha Statue Near Trees
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Spirituality

Breaking: Man Meditates Once for 10 Minutes, Claims He’s the Buddha

Spiritual leaders are calling this "an unprecedented spiritual awakening." Dylan Breeze, 29, has proclaimed himself the reincarnation of Buddha following a rigorous 10-minute meditation session that took place on the yoga mat his ex-girlfriend forgot in his apartment. The groundbreaking enlightenment took place at precisely 9:17 a.m. Monday morning, according to Breeze’s Instagram feed. Breeze, who until recently held the distinguished position of “part-time dog walker and freelance lifestyle coach,” reportedly stumbled across the idea…
Brown Wooden Mallet Near Brown Chicken Egg
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Willpower and Your Lack Thereof

Willpower is this alleged mythical force that separates us mortals from our dreams of six-pack abs and wealth beyond measure. You’ve heard of it, you vaguely believe it exists, but no one’s quite sure what it is or how it works. So, in the spirit of demystifying this elusive quality, here’s a comprehensive guide to understanding willpower, complete with tips that are guaranteed to make you feel like you’re on the verge of life-changing action...…
Woman Holding White Book
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Relationships

Breaking News: Men Shocked to Discover Women Have Opinions Without Their Permission

Nobody could believe it and yet it is true - men across the nation have been left in shock as they get acquainted with the radical concept that women, indeed, have thoughts, opinions and voices that don't require male endorsement. This revelation, apparently as unexpected as the switch to daylight saving time, has shaken the foundations of conversation dynamics everywhere, leaving many men bewildered and asking themselves, "But… when did this start?" A Harrowing Reality…
Black and White Portrait of Man with Catrina Makeup
Posted inInterview Lifestyle

Interview: Man Refuses to Wear Costume, Claims He’s ‘Already Dead Inside’

Hell, Michigan - This Halloween season, locals are perplexed by one among them who stands alone in his steadfast rejection of costumes, citing an unexpectedly bleak reason. Meet Stuart Grimbley, 34-year-old, who has become a viral sensation after declaring he’d skip the Halloween costume madness this year due to a simple fact: he's “already dead inside.” 'It's All Pointless' We caught up with Stuart, who agreed to an interview as long as it didn’t interfere…