Lifestyle – The Flatypus

Being an Adult – An Honest Review

The Flatypus — Sun, 30 Nov 2025 12:29:06 +0000

Alright let’s not waste any of your time because you need to go back to doing absolutely nothing constructive: being an adult sucks. If you don’t agree with this statement it means you’re either a child or a houseplant. In fact, the only things that suck more than being an adult are houseplants and children (in that order.) Lucky for you, I cover all the reasons why in this masterpiece of Internet…

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Guide: Your Twenties

The Flatypus — Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:08 +0000

The twenties are that magical span of time where you’re supposed to find yourself, build a career, fall in love, develop a personality, maintain glowing skin, save for a house, become a global citizen and, somehow, eat enough fiber. You enter this decade with light in your eyes and exit it with back pain, regrets and a haunted look you picked up around 28. The thing about your twenties is…

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Guide: Moving, A Comprehensive Exercise in Human Misery

The Flatypus — Sat, 01 Nov 2025 11:30:33 +0000

Moving house or apartment isn’t just a “task.” It’s a modern-day endurance trial disguised as an act of personal growth, or just a sign that a few hundreds years ago you would have failed that “survival of the fittest” thingy. Somewhere between the first box and the fifth nervous breakdown, you’ll realize that sedentary civilization was a mistake and that minimalists might be onto something.

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Interview: Man Shamelessly Uses Speakerphone in Public Transport

The Flatypus — Sun, 10 Aug 2025 16:35:12 +0000

Darren Holcomb greets me with the same unapologetic smile he wore the day he became that guy on the subway. To him, the now-infamous seven minutes and fifty-two seconds of public speakerphone phone call were not a breach of etiquette but a “shared urban moment,” a gift, really, to an otherwise “dead” commute. “I don’t see why people get so uptight,” Holcomb says, settling into the café…

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Guide: Become an Alpha Male

The Flatypus — Sun, 29 Jun 2025 10:07:36 +0000

So, you want to become an alpha male? The man so powerful he once won an argument with himself? The kind of specimen that doesn’t cry, doesn’t apologize and absolutely does not eat yogurt because “it’s a beta food”? Then you’re at the right place. Now you have a choice: either you pay 18k for a 3-day “bootcamp” or you read this guide and venmo me later. Still here? Perfect. Now strap in, nerd…

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Guide: You Are Burning Out

The Flatypus — Sun, 09 Feb 2025 19:02:44 +0000

So, you’re feeling chronically exhausted, unmotivated and mildly dead inside? Congratulations! You’re officially on the fast track to burnout, that wonderful condition where your body and mind simultaneously wave the white flag while you continue to push forward like the absolute moron that you are. But let’s not be dramatic, right? It’s just stress, just a busy period. The same busy period…

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Guide: Mansplaining

The Flatypus — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 08:43:20 +0000

Congratulations, you mediocre pile of unwarranted confidence! You’ve decided to master the fine art of mansplaining, the time-honored tradition of telling people things they already know except louder, incorrectly and with a zest of condescension. This guide will help you hone your craft and ensure you’re the most insufferable person in any room, provided that’s not already case. Step 0: The Art of Manning Before you can mansplain, you must first man. Cultivate an unshakeable…

Guide: You Want Too Much

The Flatypus — Tue, 28 Jan 2025 08:56:01 +0000

Let’s face it, you blob: you want too much. Every day, you’re out here with your grabby mindset, hoarding dreams, goals and unrealistic aspirations like a dragon sitting on a pile of gold that you’ll never use. It’s time to calm down, alright? So now please take a deep breath and realize that the problem isn’t the world – it’s you. Do you really need a fulfilling career…

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Guide: You’re Caring Too Much

The Flatypus — Tue, 14 Jan 2025 07:53:32 +0000

For those of you who don’t know, caring is that delightful social affliction where you convince yourself that other people’s lives, feelings and opinions matter more than they actually do. Are you suffering from the unbearable weight of giving a damn? Do you find yourself lying awake at night, wondering if your parents misinterpreted the tone of your last message or if the planet will melt into a…

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World Prepares to Ignore Same Resolutions for Another Year

The Flatypus — Mon, 30 Dec 2024 08:51:00 +0000

As the clock and calendar are getting dangerously close to January 1st, midnight, billions of people worldwide are drafting eerily familiar lists of New Year’s resolutions, a.k.a. the exact same ones they’ve optimistically written, ignored and forgotten for more than a decade, as is tradition. From unrealistic fitness goals to improbable career changes, humanity is gearing up for its annual…

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