Overworked Employee lying in front of Laptop
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Caring Too Much

For those of you who don't know, caring is that delightful social affliction where you convince yourself that other people’s lives, feelings and opinions matter more than they actually do. Are you suffering from the unbearable weight of giving a damn? Do you find yourself lying awake at night, wondering if your parents misinterpreted the tone of your last message or if the planet will melt into a puddle of sorrow because you weren't enthusiastic…
Fireworks
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

World Prepares to Ignore Same Resolutions for Another Year

As the clock and calendar are getting dangerously close to January 1st, midnight, billions of people worldwide are drafting eerily familiar lists of New Year’s resolutions, a.k.a. the exact same ones they’ve optimistically written, ignored and forgotten for more than a decade, as is tradition. From unrealistic fitness goals to improbable career changes, humanity is gearing up for its annual festival of ambition, denial and inevitable failure. The Universal Resolution Recycle: A Tradition of Futility…
Man in Santa Claus Costume
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Santa Confirms You’re on the Naughty List

As Christmas approaches, Santa Claus himself has confirmed that you, yes YOU, are officially on the Naughty List this year. The news broke earlier today when the big guy in red and white held a hastily arranged press conference at the North Pole, flanked by a squadron of grumpy elves and a visibly disappointed and judgemental Mrs. Claus. “After extensive surveillance and a thorough review of your behavior during the year 2024,” Santa announced while…
Woman lying on her arm on a table
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Live Like a Perfect Human Being

Well, well, well, look who’s still trying to figure out how to live their life. Pathetic, really. But fear naught, because society’s got your back with tons of expert advice, tips and golden nuggets to transform your tragically flawed, miserable little existence into a god-tier lifestyle. That is, if only you'd follow the countless rules required to achieve it. I mean, who needs a personality and free time when you can have a spreadsheet for…
Man smiling with a thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Relationships

Breaking: You’re An Asshole

Today marks the day of a not-so-groundbreaking revelation; what everyone has been suspecting for ages is now official: you're a top of the line, industrial-grade, vacuum-sealed, organic, USDA-approved asshole. Stop the Presses! Far from a plot-twist, this news is as shocking as discovering that water makes things wet or that politicians lie: you’ve officially been recognized for what you truly are. Researchers "discovered" what anyone with eyes, ears or half a brain-cell has known all…
A white cup laying on the side with spilled coffee beans
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

An Ode to Coffee

Coffee is love, coffee is life. That pretty much sums it up but let's dig deeper. Coffee is that caffeinated elixir that turns your blobby half-dead body into something resembling a functioning human being. Coffee is that sacred beverage that wakes up your three remaining brain cells just enough for you to pretend you know what you're doing. It's the miracle bean juice that makes mornings bearable, meetings survivable and people's personality almost tolerable. Mankind…
One wooden chair in the middle of an empty room
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

The Myths of Minimalism: Owning One Fork Won’t Make You Enlightened

You know minimalism, right? That seductive lifestyle trend promising spiritual clarity, financial freedom and the smug satisfaction of living with fewer possessions than a Buddhist monk that you can brag about to your only friend - because you're a minimalist in every aspect of your life. Also you're annoying, so people tend to not want to be around you. It’s pitched as the ultimate hack for a world drowning in consumerism, but before you sell…
man laughing
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Man Told to “Get Over It” Actually Gets Over It

Experts are calling this a once-in-a-millennium event: a 32-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida, has defied the very laws of human stubbornness by actually “getting over it” after being told to do so. The groundbreaking achievement has taken therapists by surprise, fed toxic comment sections as well as passive-aggressive family dinners worldwide. The man, identified as Gavin Lovitz, reportedly accomplished this emotional miracle last Wednesday during a heated argument over something that was gotten over so…
Toddler With Red Adidas Sweat Shirt
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Parenting

Children: A Guide to Humanity’s Most Infuriating Achievement

Children... Those pint-sized sociopaths with sticky hands, the unearned confidence of a mediocre white man and a moral compass spinning wildly into the abyss. Once heralded as the “future,” they’ve revealed themselves as nature’s cruelest joke, sent here to dismantle your peace, wallet and will to live - all while being unable to wipe their own butt. Let’s be clear: the world doesn’t need more of them. Yet, here we are, drowning in a sea…
Brain inscription on box under flying paper pieces
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Have No Common Sense

Congratulations, my little mongoose! You’ve finally realized something that most of us noticed about a couple eons ago: you have absolutely no common sense. Like none of it - and don't kid yourself: you can't make it with up with your looks because, well, your looks are... Alright, focus, common sense - you wouldn’t recognize it if it came up and stapled itself to your forehead, but don't be afraid, for I'm here to offer…