Guide: Become an Alpha Male
Posted inEducation Guide Lifestyle

Guide: Become an Alpha Male

So, you want to become an alpha male? The man so powerful he once won an argument with himself? The kind of specimen that doesn’t cry, doesn’t apologize and absolutely does not eat yogurt because "it’s a beta food"? Then you're at the right place. Now you have a choice: either you pay 18k for a 3-day "bootcamp" or you read this guide and venmo me later. Still here? Perfect. Now strap in, nerd, because…
Guide: You Are Burning Out
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Are Burning Out

Welcome to Your Downward Spiral So, you’re feeling chronically exhausted, unmotivated and mildly dead inside? Congratulations! You’re officially on the fast track to burnout, that wonderful condition where your body and mind simultaneously wave the white flag while you continue to push forward like the absolute moron that you are. But let’s not be dramatic, right? It’s just stress, just a busy period. The same busy period that’s been going on for the last six…
Guide: Mansplaining
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Relationships

Guide: Mansplaining

Congratulations, you mediocre pile of unwarranted confidence! You’ve decided to master the fine art of mansplaining, the time-honored tradition of telling people things they already know except louder, incorrectly and with a zest of condescension. This guide will help you hone your craft and ensure you’re the most insufferable person in any room, provided that's not already case. Step 0: The Art of Manning Before you can mansplain, you must first man. Cultivate an unshakeable…
Grayscale Photograph of Mans Hands
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Want Too Much

Let’s face it, you blob: you want too much. Every day, you’re out here with your grabby mindset, hoarding dreams, goals and unrealistic aspirations like a dragon sitting on a pile of gold that you’ll never use. It’s time to calm down, alright? So now please take a deep breath and realize that the problem isn’t the world - it’s you. Step 1: Admit It Do you really need a fulfilling career, enough sleep and…
Overworked Employee lying in front of Laptop
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Caring Too Much

For those of you who don't know, caring is that delightful social affliction where you convince yourself that other people’s lives, feelings and opinions matter more than they actually do. Are you suffering from the unbearable weight of giving a damn? Do you find yourself lying awake at night, wondering if your parents misinterpreted the tone of your last message or if the planet will melt into a puddle of sorrow because you weren't enthusiastic…
Fireworks
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

World Prepares to Ignore Same Resolutions for Another Year

As the clock and calendar are getting dangerously close to January 1st, midnight, billions of people worldwide are drafting eerily familiar lists of New Year’s resolutions, a.k.a. the exact same ones they’ve optimistically written, ignored and forgotten for more than a decade, as is tradition. From unrealistic fitness goals to improbable career changes, humanity is gearing up for its annual festival of ambition, denial and inevitable failure. The Universal Resolution Recycle: A Tradition of Futility…
Man in Santa Claus Costume
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Santa Confirms You’re on the Naughty List

As Christmas approaches, Santa Claus himself has confirmed that you, yes YOU, are officially on the Naughty List this year. The news broke earlier today when the big guy in red and white held a hastily arranged press conference at the North Pole, flanked by a squadron of grumpy elves and a visibly disappointed and judgemental Mrs. Claus. “After extensive surveillance and a thorough review of your behavior during the year 2024,” Santa announced while…
Woman lying on her arm on a table
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Live Like a Perfect Human Being

Well, well, well, look who’s still trying to figure out how to live their life. Pathetic, really. But fear naught, because society’s got your back with tons of expert advice, tips and golden nuggets to transform your tragically flawed, miserable little existence into a god-tier lifestyle. That is, if only you'd follow the countless rules required to achieve it. I mean, who needs a personality and free time when you can have a spreadsheet for…
Man smiling with a thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Relationships

Breaking: You’re An Asshole

Today marks the day of a not-so-groundbreaking revelation; what everyone has been suspecting for ages is now official: you're a top of the line, industrial-grade, vacuum-sealed, organic, USDA-approved asshole. Stop the Presses! Far from a plot-twist, this news is as shocking as discovering that water makes things wet or that politicians lie: you’ve officially been recognized for what you truly are. Researchers "discovered" what anyone with eyes, ears or half a brain-cell has known all…
A white cup laying on the side with spilled coffee beans
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

An Ode to Coffee

Coffee is love, coffee is life. That pretty much sums it up but let's dig deeper. Coffee is that caffeinated elixir that turns your blobby half-dead body into something resembling a functioning human being. Coffee is that sacred beverage that wakes up your three remaining brain cells just enough for you to pretend you know what you're doing. It's the miracle bean juice that makes mornings bearable, meetings survivable and people's personality almost tolerable. Mankind…