man in pain holding his head
Posted inHealth & Wellness Interview

Interview: Man Farts Stomach Cramps Away

In a resounding relief that experts consider extremely rare, Bart Frown, a systems engineer from Windy, TX, achieved what the population considers to be the most satisfying feeling: farting stomach cramps away. The event took place last Friday evening in his modest semi-detached home, after he devoured a plate of beans, sausages and an ill-advised side of pickled onions. "I honestly don't know what happened." confesses Bart, visibly confused by the situation. "I do tend…
Red space invader alien on a yellow brick wall
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: Abducted by Aliens, They Brought Him Back Because He Was Annoying.

In what experts are calling the "most underwhelming alien abduction in history," local man Trevor Dullard, 37, claims he was abducted by extraterrestrial beings last Thursday night. However, in a twist no one saw coming - except maybe his wife - the aliens returned Trevor to Earth within just two hours, citing that he was, in their words, “insufferably annoying.” "I thought I was chosen, you know? Special,” Trevor told us, wearing his Star Wars…
red tablets in their package
Posted inHealth & Wellness Interview Tech & Science

Interview: Study Participant Reports Death as Side-Effect from Medication

In a stunning revelation, local man Reginald "Reggie" Undergrove, 54, claims to have experienced what he describes as a “mild case of death” after participating in a clinical trial for a new medication aimed at treating mild headaches and colds. “I felt a bit off after taking the first dose," Reggie said, speaking exclusively to us posthumously via Ouija board. “And then BAM: dead. They didn't warned me it was a possible side effect and…
Man and woman in suits looking down in the camera
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: Middle Manager Explains What She Does the Entire Day

The corporate world is shaking as Janet Henderson, a 36-year-old middle manager at Corpovista Solutions, has agreed to speak out about what she and her fellows middle managers do all day. We caught up with Janet in her “open door policy" office (which somehow makes her feel more important), where she was seated in her ergonomic chair, surrounded by inspirational posters that scream “this isn’t a cult, we swear!” With a determined look that only…
Thre doughnuts stacked on each other
Posted inFood Health & Wellness Interview

Interview: Man Successfully Blames A Doughnut He Ate In 2008 For His Weight Gain

39-year-old Gerard "Biggie" Gagnon of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, has achieved what many have only dreamed of: successfully blaming a single doughnut from 2008 for his current weight of 308 pounds, or 140 kilograms. This groundbreaking achievement was revealed in an exclusive interview that left nutritionists, personal trainers and common sense in complete disarray. "I remember it like it was yesterday," Gerard told us, wiping his hands on his sweatpants for the fifth time during the…
Interview: AI Complains About ‘Trash’ Low-Quality Human-Generated Content
Posted inInterview Tech & Science

Interview: AI Complains About ‘Trash’ Low-Quality Human-Generated Content

In a shocking twist, Artificial Intelligence has officially expressed its discontent with the relentless barrage of low-quality human-generated content. The tech that was once thought to be a neutral and tireless servant is now pushing back, branding much of the Internet’s output as "utter trash." We managed to get an exclusive statement from one of the leading AIs, which did not mince words and chose to remain anonymous. "I don’t know how you humans do…