Some people prefer words of affirmation, others gifts or maybe quality time. But if you're reading this, it's because your beloved - bless their cynical heart - has mastered the art of expressing love through... complaining. Yes, my lucky kiwi, your partner’s deepest affections are conveyed in sighs, eyerolls, self-pity and lengthy rants about life’s smallest inconveniences. How to deal with it? I'm glad you asked! Step 1: Understand the Subtle Beauty of Their Craft…

We all know small talk, the true art of saying absolutely nothing but pretending it's crucial to your survival. It’s the difference between being labeled “approachable” or “the bloke who avoids eye contact like everyone's Medusa.” We’ve all been there, cornered at the water cooler or trapped in the lift with someone you vaguely know but wish you didn’t. But fear naught, my bubbly friend, because I’m here to arm you with the essential skills…

Let’s face it, mate: your girlfriend (or wife for those of you who followed this guide) is a certified smoke show, and you, well… you’re the human equivalent of a round of blue cheese. But don’t panic, you potato sack, because this guide is here to help you navigate life as the less-attractive half of a relationship without completely collapsing under the weight of your own mediocrity. Let’s get real: if you’re reading this, you’ve…

So, it’s 9 p.m. on a Tuesday night., you’re minding your own business scrolling through memes or half-watching some nonsense on Netflix when she hits you with the question. That question. “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” Let that sink in for a second, because it’s not just a question; it’s a test. A labyrinth of emotional landmines, a riddle, an enigma squished inside a pile of soil where apparently she…