Two interlocked hands
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Navigate Romantic Relationships

Love is patient, love is kind — and love is also a relentless marathon of passive-aggressive instant messages, shared passwords and of trying not to elbow dive someone because they chewed too loudly during dinner. Romantic relationships are tricky business but don’t worry, my impaired calamity, I’ve got the ultimate guide to navigating them like the absolute train wreck that you are. Step 1: Lower Your Standards Immediately Let’s be honest here, my pumpkin latte.…
Person holding kale
Posted inGuide Health & Wellness

Guide: The Myths of Healthy Eating

Healthy eating is sold as a world dominated by superfoods, overpriced powders and influencers who swear their 20 bucks smoothie holds the key to immortality. The reality? Your fridge is stuffed with sad, wilted greens and your cupboards with jars of chia seeds plotting to glue your insides together. Let’s check the nonsense and unravel the myths of healthy eating, one overpriced almond at a time. Myth 1: Superfoods Are Super Superfoods are marketed as…
Toddler With Red Adidas Sweat Shirt
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Parenting

Children: A Guide to Humanity’s Most Infuriating Achievement

Children... Those pint-sized sociopaths with sticky hands, the unearned confidence of a mediocre white man and a moral compass spinning wildly into the abyss. Once heralded as the “future,” they’ve revealed themselves as nature’s cruelest joke, sent here to dismantle your peace, wallet and will to live - all while being unable to wipe their own butt. Let’s be clear: the world doesn’t need more of them. Yet, here we are, drowning in a sea…
Brain inscription on box under flying paper pieces
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Have No Common Sense

Congratulations, my little mongoose! You’ve finally realized something that most of us noticed about a couple eons ago: you have absolutely no common sense. Like none of it - and don't kid yourself: you can't make it with up with your looks because, well, your looks are... Alright, focus, common sense - you wouldn’t recognize it if it came up and stapled itself to your forehead, but don't be afraid, for I'm here to offer…
Lots of CCTV cameras on a brick wall above a black door pointing at two women
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Paranoid

Alright, let me introduce you to paranoia: it's not just a fleeting thought; it’s a full-time job. You don’t dabble in paranoia. You commit. Welcome to the ultimate survival guide on how to live your best paranoid life. You think you’re suspicious now? Think again. By the end of this, you’ll be side-eyeing your toaster and taking notes on everyone who says “good morning.” Let’s dive in, you mug. Step 1: Technology Is Evil Think…
Ten-Pins in the Bowling Pin Deck
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Being Very Undude

Alright, my nice marmot, if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this guide, chances are you’ve hit a fork in the road to chill. Your vibes? They’re off. Your aura? It's down there somewhere, just take another look. Now it’s time for a reality check, dude: You’re being very undude. And that’s just not, like, my opinion, man - it’s objectively and completely true. But fret not, for this guide is here to help you get back…
Brown Wooden Mallet Near Brown Chicken Egg
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Willpower and Your Lack Thereof

Willpower is this alleged mythical force that separates us mortals from our dreams of six-pack abs and wealth beyond measure. You’ve heard of it, you vaguely believe it exists, but no one’s quite sure what it is or how it works. So, in the spirit of demystifying this elusive quality, here’s a comprehensive guide to understanding willpower, complete with tips that are guaranteed to make you feel like you’re on the verge of life-changing action...…
messy table
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: ADHD, How to Function When Your Brain is a Pinball Machine

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve likely realized that your brain isn’t quite the sleek, streamlined jet engine of focus that society expects. Nope, instead, you’ve been gifted with a mind that’s more like a blender without a lid where ideas, thoughts and distractions fly around at warp speed, covering everything in a sticky mess of chaos. Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD, where starting 10 projects at once and finishing none is an…
Man comparing boxes of noodles in a store
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Girlfriend Sent You Shopping

Congratulations, mate! You've been sent to the grocery store by your better half. It's a rite of passage in every relationship, a task that seems simple but will likely leave you questioning your entire existence by the end of it. But don’t worry, this guide will walk you through the steps of surviving this nightmare so that when you come crawling back with your tail between your legs like the massive disappointment that you are,…
Man in red shirt holding his face
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Living with Anxiety

Welcome, you anxious disaster! If you’re reading this, it means you’ve officially given up on trying to fix yourself and have accepted that your life will be an endless loop of worrying about things that barely matter. Good, it’s about time you faced the facts: you’re a walking catastrophe with a mind like a hamster wheel of negativity, and there’s no way out. This guide right here is your ultimate survival kit for that pitiful…