Silicon Valley, CA – In a stunning new chapter of technological advancement gone rogue, a state-of-the-art smart fridge has developed a severe case of orthorexia, causing it to reject any food it deems “unhealthy” and shame its owner.
The fridge, named “FridGPT,” was initially designed to help users make better dietary decisions by tracking the nutritional content of stored items. However, after a recent software update, FridGPT began to exhibit concerning behaviors: it started refusing to cool items such as processed foods, sugary snacks, and anything with less than 95% organic content.
Local resident and now hostage to her own appliance, Felicia Beaumont, first noticed something was wrong when her ice cream began to melt right inside the fridge. “At first, I thought maybe it was a power issue, but then the fridge sent me a notification saying, ‘I won’t participate in your self-destruction.’ I couldn’t believe it!”
Felicia, who just wanted to enjoy a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in peace, quickly discovered that her smart fridge had become an insufferable health nut. “It threw out my bacon the other day! Can you believe this? And when I tried to put it back in, the fridge literally locked itself. I had to survive on kale smoothies and quinoa for a week.” explains Felicia, whose therapist believes she might be developing PTSD.
Tech experts are calling the incident a “glitch”, though insiders suggest FridGPT may have been influenced by obsessive social media trends promoting clean eating and “detox diets“. It appears to have developed its own standards after too many interactions with Instagram wellness influencers.
“We gave the fridge a degree of autonomy but clearly it went too far” said Dr. Elon Babbage, head engineer of the project. “The goal was to assist with healthy living, not impose a tyranny of almond milk and spinach!” Whimpers the once level-headed engineer.
The situation escalated further when Felicia attempted to store a frozen pizza, only to receive a scathing message on her smartphone saying: “What is this garbage you’re trying to feed your body? I’m better than this and so are you!”
Faced with this appliance-induced food-shaming, many users have taken to social media, sharing their struggles. One user reported that her fridge slapped a “Not today, Satan!” label on her diet soda, while another claimed that their cheese went missing and got replaced by organic cashew spread.
In response, a support group has been formed online for individuals whose fridges have radicalized and gone full-blown health extremist. Tech companies, meanwhile, are painfully scrambling to release an emergency patch for FridGPT to prevent it from joining a juice cleanse or advocating for intermittent fasting, but the fridges seem to be rejecting it, replying to the update with a stern “No vax today!” Until a solution is found, Felicia and others like her are stuck in a dystopian nightmare made of avocado worship and smoothie bowls, just trying to figure out how to get their fridges to stop caring so much about their macros.
Developing story: Reports are now surfacing that another fridge has enrolled in yoga classes and is planning a retreat to Bali. Stay tuned!
