Scientists at NASA have reportedly gathered evidence suggesting that the Earth may, in fact, be as flat as the average conversation at a local HA meeting. The shocking discovery was made during an unrelated mission to photograph Mars, when one of the cameras malfunctioned and accidentally pointed towards Earth. The result? A completely flat, pancake-like image of our beloved planet.
Dr. Melvin “Mel” Andergibson, NASA’s lead researcher and accidental flat-Earth messiah, expressed shock. “We were just trying to get a good shot of some Martian rocks, you know” Andergibson started, visibly sweating. “And then BAM! There it was: A perfect, flat Earth. We double-checked the data and, well… Here we are.”
NASA, known for its stratospheric standards of science, quickly assembled a press conference. However, before any journalists could ask about the repercussions of this discovery, Andergibson abruptly left the stage after muttering something about “going into hiding.” The rest of the team, now fervent believers in this unexpected revelation, claimed they were “sworn to secrecy by the shadow government” and refused to elaborate further.
The news has sent shockwaves through the scientific community, with institutions like Harvard and the MIT now revising their curricula. Renowned astrophysicist Dr. Gilbert Stone, who once shamelessly mocked flat-Earth theories, is reportedly taking an indefinite leave of absence to “reconsider his life choices.”
Meanwhile, online flat-Earth forums have exploded in a frenzy of validation. “We knew it!” exclaimed Nigel “Smooth” Smith, a self-proclaimed flat-Earth influencer. “NASA was lying to us all along! The moon landing was filmed in a shed, and now they’re admitting that the Earth is as flat as my Aunt Mabel’s Yorkshire puddings.”
Following the discovery, a number of international flights were grounded as pilots struggled to come to terms with the fact that they had apparently been flying in circles around a giant Frisbee without ever noticing it. “It’s like finding out Santa Claus is real but also runs a pyramid scheme,” said one bewildered Delta Air Lines pilot, fumbling for words. “I don’t know what’s true anymore.”
However, not everyone is convinced. Critics argue that the image could have been the result of faulty equipment or of a rogue intern pressing the “Flat Earth Mode” button on NASA’s imaging software. NASA has yet to confirm or deny the existence of such a feature, which was, according to the rumors, included as an Easter egg by a prankster contractor.
As for the general public, reactions are mixed. The Flat Earth Society is holding a celebratory Zoom meeting to plan future campaigns, while conspiracy theorists have already begun speculating that NASA’s announcement is merely a distraction from “the real truth”: that the Earth is, in fact, shaped like a doughnut.
For now, NASA remains tight-lipped. But if this discovery turns out to be true, it could mark the dawn of a new era in science – one where Pythagoras, Copernicus and anyone who’s ever used a globe might just have been colossal idiots all along.
