In a groundbreaking display of public confidence, the Ministry of Propaganda of a country who chose to remain anonymous announced today a flawless 100% approval rating for the current government. The survey, conducted internally by ministry officials, has been described as the “most accurate and unbiased poll ever conducted,” according to sources within the Ministry, most of which created the poll.
Truth Enhancement and Unanimous Support
The poll results, gathered through what is being hailed as a “revolutionary new method of truth enhancement,” revealed that every single member of the Ministry not only approved of their own policies but also praised themselves for their commitment to transparency and honesty. This marks the 14th consecutive year that this government has enjoyed unanimous support in these types of self-administered polls; a streak that the Ministry is very proud of.
“We asked ourselves tough questions,” said the Ministry’s Head of Truth, Mr. B., “and I’m delighted to report that we overwhelmingly agreed with everything we said.”
Tough Questions
The poll consisted of multiple choice questions such as “Do you think the Ministry of Propaganda is doing an excellent job?” Options ranged from “Absolutely” to “Without a doubt.” Results showed that 100% of respondents selected both answers simultaneously. “In theory, the results should show a 200% approval rate!” reacted the Head of Statistical Bias; however, the Head of Miscommunication decided “not to bury the public too deep in complex maths.”
“It’s a remarkable achievement,” said Mr. B., congratulating the whole team while puffing on a cigar. “In these difficult times, the fact that we can stand together in such unshakable unity says a lot about how much we trust ourselves.”
Critics, mainly those outside the Ministry and with access to free thought, expressed skepticism at the results and pointed out the lack of public involvement in the polling process. In response, the Miscommunication Department issued a statement calling these critics “unaware of the reality” and “ill-informed trolls that thrive on fake news.”
What’s Next?
Despite mounting questions, the Ministry reassured the public that future polls will continue to reflect the same level of unwavering support. Mr. B. added that in order to keep quality standards high, next year’s poll will be conducted by an even smaller, more tightly controlled focus group consisting only of Mr. B himself.
“We are a government of the people,” he concluded. “And when we say ‘people,’ we mean us.”
In unrelated news, the Ministry of Propaganda has also announced that they will be expanding their media outreach with a new publication titled Truth & Definitely Not Lies. The first issue will be released next month and sources confirm that the editorial team has already voted it “The Best News Source in Human History.”
