The United Kingdom fell in a global state of civil unrest yesterday as citizens were forced to confront a shocking revelation: the sky, as it turns out, is blue. This discovery came after an unseasonable break in the rain allowed a rare glimpse of what experts are tentatively calling “clear weather.” The event has been described as “rude” by a devastating majority of the population.
Reports of confusion started coming in early in the morning. In Manchester, hordes of bewildered locals were spotted staring upward in collective disbelief. “I always figured the sky was meant to be a moody grey,” muttered Gary Tarmac, a 43-year-old plumber. “Now it changed to this…blue? It’s unnerving. I’m not sure I trust it.”
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The sudden meteorological anomaly provoked waves of panic throughout the nation. In some regions, schools were closed, as teachers struggled to explain the phenomenon to frightened pupils. “We’ve always taught them the water cycle and British drizzle,” said Mrs. Petunia Snoggins, a primary school science teacher in Kent. “The curriculum is simply not adapted to this blue sky thing, it will raise more questions than we can answer!”
Parliament, unsurprisingly, is in turmoil and the Prime Minister had no choice but to address the nation from an emergency press briefing. “This is a challenging time for Britain,” she said, holding her emotional support cup of tea. “I assure you that we are working tirelessly to investigate the matter. There is no need to panic – rest assured that the rain will return soon.”
Despite the government’s calming stance, protests have erupted in major cities. In London, a group staged a sit-in outside the Met Office, demanding an immediate return to the nation’s damp normalcy. Meanwhile, other confused Brits are abandoning their homes, seeking shelter beneath the familiar gloom of nearby clouds. Airports are reportedly overrun by desperate travelers booking last-minute flights to notoriously overcast destinations, such as the neighboring Republic of Ireland.
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Meteorologists, who have never been busier since that one time it snowed half an inch in Kolkata, during the British Raj, are urging the population to calm down. “This is not the end of the world,” said meteorologist Dr. Clara Taylor. “Blue skies are actually a very natural phenomenon, much like rain. In fact, blue skies are usually a pretty common sight. Just not here.”
As of press time, sales of sunscreen have skyrocketed, with panicked Brits slathering on factor 50. Pharmacies report widespread shortages and some desperate individuals have been spotted using mayonnaise as a last-ditch UV defense. Dermatologists are urging calm, reminding the public that “yes, the sun has always been there, and no amount of condiment is going to help.”
For now, the nation waits, hoping for a swift return to its beloved drizzle. Until then, experts recommend staying indoors, avoiding prolonged exposure to the “blue menace,” and, if all else fails, to blame it on the French.
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