In a groundbreaking development that has left both scientists and gym bros alike scratching their heads and flexing in the mirror, local bodybuilder Derek “The Tank” Johnson has discovered a new muscle previously unknown to mankind. The revelation, which took place during a particularly intense arm day at his local gym, has thrown the world of biology into chaos, with experts rushing to understand this muscular marvel.
“It just sort of popped out, bro,” said Derek, glistening with sweat and confusion, as he flexed the new mass located somewhere between his bicep’s long head and the anterior deltoid. “One second I was minding my own business curling in the squat rack and the next thing I know, there’s this new bit bulging out. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s sick, bro!”
The scientific community is stumped. Dr. Lina Spindle, a biologist at Buffalo University, stated: “We’ve mapped the human body for centuries. We’ve dissected it, studied it and thought we knew it inside out. But apparently, there’s always room for another muscle if you’ve got enough creatine.”
Nicknamed the “Fleximus Prime” by Johnson, the muscle appears to contract only when thinking intensely about how much bigger you could be. Early reports indicate it could be responsible for what bodybuilders refer to as “accidentally turning into Arnold overnight” – the legendary phenomenon where certain people look at a barbell and wake up the next day in Mr. Olympia condition.
“I’ve been benching for decades” said Connie Roleman, a fellow lifter and close friend of Johnson’s, known to exclusively lift light weights. “But I’ve never I seen a muscle pop up like that. Yep, buddy!”
But not everyone is impressed. Dave Gainsbury, a bodybuilder-turned-philosopher, has criticized the discovery, claiming it’s nothing more than the manifestation of too many pre-workout shakes. “This is what happens when you go beyond the recommended serving size,” said Gainsbury, while deadlifting what appeared to be a Fiat Punto. “You start hallucinating new body parts. It’s a slippery slope, bro.”
Medical experts are now warning that this newfound muscle could spark a new wave of extreme training regimens. While the exact function of this new muscle remains misunderstood, gyms across the world are reportedly already preparing to accommodate for the next frontier in bodybuilding: exercises targeting the Fleximus Prime. Dom “Brofessor” Mazzetti, famously known for his unmatched gains and for reaching the state of always being as big as his pump, is expected to step in and lead the research.
Despite the skepticism, Derek Johnson remains optimistic. “I don’t care what the haters say. I discovered this muscle, it’s mine, and I’m gonna make it the biggest muscle on my body. Just wait till the next competition!”
With Derek’s discovery, the human anatomy textbooks may need a rewrite, assuming they can make room for this new muscle without the pages exploding from sheer manliness. But until then, it is expected that bodybuilders everywhere will be spending a bit more time in the mirror, wondering where their hidden muscles might be lurking.
