Wooden Interior of a Courthouse
Posted inBreaking News Politics

Breaking: Ministry of Propaganda Declares 100% Approval Rating After Polling Themselves

In a groundbreaking display of public confidence, the Ministry of Propaganda of a country who chose to remain anonymous announced today a flawless 100% approval rating for the current government. The survey, conducted internally by ministry officials, has been described as the "most accurate and unbiased poll ever conducted," according to sources within the Ministry, most of which created the poll. Truth Enhancement and Unanimous Support The poll results, gathered through what is being hailed…
Woman complaining to husband at home
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Partner’s Love Language is Complaining

Some people prefer words of affirmation, others gifts or maybe quality time. But if you're reading this, it's because your beloved - bless their cynical heart - has mastered the art of expressing love through... complaining. Yes, my lucky kiwi, your partner’s deepest affections are conveyed in sighs, eyerolls, self-pity and lengthy rants about life’s smallest inconveniences. How to deal with it? I'm glad you asked! Step 1: Understand the Subtle Beauty of Their Craft…
Man holding a protein shake
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Sports & Fitness

Breaking: Bodybuilder Builds Muscle Without Protein

In a shocking turn of events that has left scientists, fitness gurus and your local gym bros scratching their heads, one bodybuilder has defied every rule in the book by building massive muscle — without consuming any protein whatsoever. Nate Flexington, a 28-year-old fitness enthusiast, has recently gone viral after claiming he has achieved his gargantuan physique with a diet entirely devoid of protein. That's right, zero gram of protein. Not whey, not eggs, not…
Blind man helped to read a book by woman
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle Tech & Science

Breaking: Scientists Explain Why Men Can’t Find Anything on Their Own

In a groundbreaking study that has baffled researchers and confirmed the suspicions of women everywhere, scientists have finally cracked one of the universe’s most perplexing mysteries: why men, despite years of training and evolution, are completely incapable of finding anything on their own. The study has revealed a new phenomenon they’ve coined as “Male Pattern Blindness.” This condition apparently renders men physically unable to locate objects that are right in front of their faces. Lead…
Two men talking
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Small Talk, Because Silence is Scary

We all know small talk, the true art of saying absolutely nothing but pretending it's crucial to your survival. It’s the difference between being labeled “approachable” or “the bloke who avoids eye contact like everyone's Medusa.” We’ve all been there, cornered at the water cooler or trapped in the lift with someone you vaguely know but wish you didn’t. But fear naught, my bubbly friend, because I’m here to arm you with the essential skills…
Man passed out from drinking with friends
Posted inBreaking News Lifestyle

Breaking: Local Idiot Claims ‘Monkeys Are In Charge’ After Heavy Night Out

Liverpool, UK – The dire event has left the local pub’s early-morning crowd both amused and bewildered: local resident Gary "Gaz" Evans, 34, claims he has woken up on the set of Planet of the Apes "except it was real" after a “legendary” night out. Witnesses report that Gaz stumbled out of the local pub at approximately 10:12 p.m. after "more than a skinful" and an unsuccessful attempt to convince the bar staff that he…
Man smiling with a thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Business

Breaking: CEO Announces Bold New Plan to Increase Productivity: ‘Work Harder’

In a groundbreaking move that has left business analysts and economists stunned, the CEO of tech giant HyperCorp, Chadwick Kendall, has unveiled a revolutionary strategy to boost company productivity: telling employees to "work harder." The Annoucement In an all-hands meeting streamed from Kendall’s penthouse office, the CEO delivered his paradigm-shifting announcement with the same bravado he reserves for investor calls. "Look, at the end of the day, the solution is simple," Kendall said, adjusting the…
Woman smiling and giving two thumbs up
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness

Woman Cures Her Depression by ‘Cheering Up’ and Realizing ‘It’s Not That Bad’

Brentwood, Essex - Local woman Sarah Bingley, 34, has defied the entire field of psychology by finding a groundbreaking cure for her decade-long battle with depression: she simply decided to “cheer up” after reminding herself that “it’s not that bad.” The revelation came after a friend suggested the revolutionary idea during brunch last Sunday. “I was just sitting there, talking about how I’ve been struggling with my mental health, and my mate Becky said, ‘Oh…
Man having laptop problems
Posted inGuide Relationships Tech & Science

Guide: How to Get out of People Asking You to Fix Their Computer Issues

So, you’ve made the rookie mistake of fixing someone’s computer once and now, congratulations: you’ve become the go-to tech wizard for every friend, relative and distant acquaintance in need. You might’ve thought you were just helping out but what you really did was unleash a nightmare. But fear naught, my tech-weary friend, because this guide will teach you the art of dodging tech requests like a pro, ensuring that no one ever asks you to…
Couple kissing near a glass window
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Wife (or Girlfriend) is Way Hotter Than You

Let’s face it, mate: your girlfriend (or wife for those of you who followed this guide) is a certified smoke show, and you, well… you’re the human equivalent of a round of blue cheese. But don’t panic, you potato sack, because this guide is here to help you navigate life as the less-attractive half of a relationship without completely collapsing under the weight of your own mediocrity. Let’s get real: if you’re reading this, you’ve…