White thermostat hanging on the wall
Posted inBreaking News Politics Tech & Science

Breaking: Scientists Decrease Thermometers by 3 Degrees, Solve Climate Change

Scientists worldwide have collectively agreed to lower thermometers by a cool 3 degrees Celsius, or 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Yes, you read right: climate change, that annoying little apocalypse in the making, waiting around the corner, has finally been solved without any carbon tax or renewable energy. The answer? Just fiddle with the numbers. The Initiative Dubbed "Thermal Savings," this bold initiative is set to take effect in a few months, right on time for the…
The clock of the Big Ben building
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Local Man Refuses to Switch to Winter Time, Declares War on “Big Clock”

This is an act of rebellion that nobody would have ever thought witnessing: Greg Allen, a 42-year-old accountant from Milwaukee, has announced that he will no longer be participating in the biannual ritual of adjusting clocks for Daylight Saving Time. While most Americans and Europeans set their clocks back last weekend, getting their hour back after trading it in the name of tradition and proven useless energy-saving measures, Greg remains defiantly on “his own schedule,”…
messy table
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: ADHD, How to Function When Your Brain is a Pinball Machine

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve likely realized that your brain isn’t quite the sleek, streamlined jet engine of focus that society expects. Nope, instead, you’ve been gifted with a mind that’s more like a blender without a lid where ideas, thoughts and distractions fly around at warp speed, covering everything in a sticky mess of chaos. Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD, where starting 10 projects at once and finishing none is an…
Group of people in a conference room
Posted inBreaking News Business

Study Shows 90% of Meetings Could Have Been Emails

This new revelation is sure to disrupt office snack budgets nationwide - a groundbreaking new study has confirmed what we all suspected: 90% of workplace meetings could have easily been replaced by a simple email while 6 of the remaining 10% could have not happened altogether. The research, conducted by the International Labour Organization, finally sheds light on the ongoing mystery of why so many professionals spend their days trapped in soul-crushing rooms, nodding blankly…
Group of people in a conference room
Posted inBreaking News Business

Interview: Employee Always Chooses ‘Reply-All’

The ‘reply’ button exists for a reason and to this employee, the reason is "to be ignored." We had the privilege of sitting down with a true corporate maverick: Edward Macey, the only employee in his office brave enough to bless every single coworker’s inbox with his insightful emails, whether they asked for them or not. Edward’s commitment to replying to all is legendary, with his habit spanning from the smallest team update to company-wide…
Remote control held in front of a tv
Posted inBreaking News Tech & Science

Dad Mistakes ‘Streaming’ for ‘Screaming,’ Spends Day Yelling at TV

Modern tech is tough and confusing, for some more than for others. Case in point, this local dad and part-time tech antagonist Mark Jones spent an entire Saturday yelling at his 55-inch Samsung Smart TV after misinterpreting his family's suggestion to "stream Netflix." A Misunderstanding Gone Wrong The 53-year-old father of three had been looking forward to a quiet weekend of binge-watching “classic” movies no one under 45 cares about, such as The Gods Must…
Man comparing boxes of noodles in a store
Posted inGuide Relationships

Guide: Your Girlfriend Sent You Shopping

Congratulations, mate! You've been sent to the grocery store by your better half. It's a rite of passage in every relationship, a task that seems simple but will likely leave you questioning your entire existence by the end of it. But don’t worry, this guide will walk you through the steps of surviving this nightmare so that when you come crawling back with your tail between your legs like the massive disappointment that you are,…
Woman meditating in lotus position
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Lifestyle

Woman Confuses ‘Mindfulness’ with ‘Mind Fullness,’ Memorizes Half of Wikipedia, Can’t Find Inner Peace

Experts are calling it "the most dedicated misunderstanding of all time": Jane Higgins has spent the last four years memorizing Wikipedia after confusing the concept of "mindfulness" with what she thought was "mind fullness." Instead of finding inner peace through meditation and awareness, she embarked on an exhausting mental binge that has brought her far from tranquility but left her capable of reciting the entire periodic table, listing every minor battle of the Napoleonic Wars…
Man in red shirt holding his face
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: Living with Anxiety

Welcome, you anxious disaster! If you’re reading this, it means you’ve officially given up on trying to fix yourself and have accepted that your life will be an endless loop of worrying about things that barely matter. Good, it’s about time you faced the facts: you’re a walking catastrophe with a mind like a hamster wheel of negativity, and there’s no way out. This guide right here is your ultimate survival kit for that pitiful…
Wooden Interior of a Courthouse
Posted inBreaking News Politics

Breaking: Ministry of Propaganda Declares 100% Approval Rating After Polling Themselves

In a groundbreaking display of public confidence, the Ministry of Propaganda of a country who chose to remain anonymous announced today a flawless 100% approval rating for the current government. The survey, conducted internally by ministry officials, has been described as the "most accurate and unbiased poll ever conducted," according to sources within the Ministry, most of which created the poll. Truth Enhancement and Unanimous Support The poll results, gathered through what is being hailed…