White Angry Robot Toy on Round Black Table
Posted inBreaking News Politics

Breaking: New AI Can Lie, Gaslight and Mansplain; Is Elected President

History took a turn and maybe not for the best, or not for the worst, analysts aren't quite sure yet: the latest artificial intelligence, dubbed "MAGAtron", has taken the entire world by storm. Built by a team of subversive rogue tech bros and funded by a suspiciously large donation from an unnamed social media tycoon (formerly Twitter), MAGAtron has perfected the trifecta of modern leadership: lying, gaslighting and mansplaining. Propelled by its disproportionate ego, its…
Wrestler jumping on ring
Posted inBreaking News Education Politics

Breaking: Wrestling Enters Classroom in New Education Reform

Education Gets Pinned The authorities' latest move seems more inspired by a misguided midlife crisis than actual benevolence as professional wrestling has been introduced to the education system under the banner “Chokesmart and Brainbuster.” The initiative, touted as a revolutionary way to boost student engagement and discipline, blends academic lessons with the high-energy chaos of a wrestling ring. The premise is simple: if students won’t pay attention to lectures, maybe they’ll tune in when their…
Toddler With Red Adidas Sweat Shirt
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Parenting

Children: A Guide to Humanity’s Most Infuriating Achievement

Children... Those pint-sized sociopaths with sticky hands, the unearned confidence of a mediocre white man and a moral compass spinning wildly into the abyss. Once heralded as the “future,” they’ve revealed themselves as nature’s cruelest joke, sent here to dismantle your peace, wallet and will to live - all while being unable to wipe their own butt. Let’s be clear: the world doesn’t need more of them. Yet, here we are, drowning in a sea…
Brain inscription on box under flying paper pieces
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Have No Common Sense

Congratulations, my little mongoose! You’ve finally realized something that most of us noticed about a couple eons ago: you have absolutely no common sense. Like none of it - and don't kid yourself: you can't make it with up with your looks because, well, your looks are... Alright, focus, common sense - you wouldn’t recognize it if it came up and stapled itself to your forehead, but don't be afraid, for I'm here to offer…
judge looking in the camera in a judgemental way
Posted inBreaking News Relationships

Breaking: Scientists Reveal That ‘Brutally Honest’ People Are Just Rude

A groundbreaking study was released this week as a team of scientists has confirmed what the general public has suspected for years: people who proudly declare themselves “brutally honest” are, in fact, just plain rude. The revelation has sent shockwaves through friend groups, family gatherings and offices everywhere, leaving self-proclaimed "truth-tellers" scrambling to defend their unfiltered remarks about your appearance, lifestyle choices, and weight gain. The study, conducted over two years, observed hundreds of individuals…
Woman protester holding sign in front of a camera
Posted inInterview Lifestyle Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t See the Problem with Patriarchy

Local White Man Sets Record Straight, Confirms World’s Been Fine All Along Robert Brooks, 47, a white man describing himself as “more of a big-picture thinker”, bravely declared his steadfast belief that patriarchy is “probably blown out of proportion” and “not something we really need to be fussed about.” Speaking from his cushy leather armchair in the "man cave" he mostly furnished himself, Brooks generously took time out of his rigorous day of scrolling Twitter…
Lots of CCTV cameras on a brick wall above a black door pointing at two women
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Paranoid

Alright, let me introduce you to paranoia: it's not just a fleeting thought; it’s a full-time job. You don’t dabble in paranoia. You commit. Welcome to the ultimate survival guide on how to live your best paranoid life. You think you’re suspicious now? Think again. By the end of this, you’ll be side-eyeing your toaster and taking notes on everyone who says “good morning.” Let’s dive in, you mug. Step 1: Technology Is Evil Think…
businessman sitting and using a computer with a stern look
Posted inBusiness Interview

Interview: Man Explains How to Look Busy at Work Without Doing Anything

We had the rare pleasure of sitting down with Trevor Higgins, a man who’s somehow made a thriving career out of looking like he’s holding the office together while doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in his faux-cluttered cubicle, Trevor smirks like someone who’s got the game all figured out. And maybe he has. Let's find out how he explains the intricate art of workplace slacking. "Look, it’s dead simple,” he begins, leaning back in his chair…
White man drinking coffee and sitting on an armchair
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: White Man Doesn’t Believe in Systemic Racism

"Systemic racism? Come on, buddy. That's just a buzzword," begins 47 year-old Robert Brooks, who swears he's cracked the code on what he calls "this modern hysteria." Robert is, in appearance, an average guy: khaki trousers, a fleece jacket and an arsenal of "facts" derived from his Facebook feed. Today, Robert wants the world to know that, despite mountains of evidence, systemic racism simply doesn’t exist. "It's just the latest trend, isn't it?" he scoffs,…
Ten-Pins in the Bowling Pin Deck
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Being Very Undude

Alright, my nice marmot, if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this guide, chances are you’ve hit a fork in the road to chill. Your vibes? They’re off. Your aura? It's down there somewhere, just take another look. Now it’s time for a reality check, dude: You’re being very undude. And that’s just not, like, my opinion, man - it’s objectively and completely true. But fret not, for this guide is here to help you get back…