Guide: You Are Burning Out
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Are Burning Out

Welcome to Your Downward Spiral So, you’re feeling chronically exhausted, unmotivated and mildly dead inside? Congratulations! You’re officially on the fast track to burnout, that wonderful condition where your body and mind simultaneously wave the white flag while you continue to push forward like the absolute moron that you are. But let’s not be dramatic, right? It’s just stress, just a busy period. The same busy period that’s been going on for the last six…
Guide: Mansplaining
Posted inGuide Lifestyle Relationships

Guide: Mansplaining

Congratulations, you mediocre pile of unwarranted confidence! You’ve decided to master the fine art of mansplaining, the time-honored tradition of telling people things they already know except louder, incorrectly and with a zest of condescension. This guide will help you hone your craft and ensure you’re the most insufferable person in any room, provided that's not already case. Step 0: The Art of Manning Before you can mansplain, you must first man. Cultivate an unshakeable…
Grayscale Photograph of Mans Hands
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You Want Too Much

Let’s face it, you blob: you want too much. Every day, you’re out here with your grabby mindset, hoarding dreams, goals and unrealistic aspirations like a dragon sitting on a pile of gold that you’ll never use. It’s time to calm down, alright? So now please take a deep breath and realize that the problem isn’t the world - it’s you. Step 1: Admit It Do you really need a fulfilling career, enough sleep and…
Breaking: Computers Can Sense Tech Illiteracy, and They’re Judging You
Posted inBreaking News Tech & Science

Breaking: Computers Can Sense Tech Illiteracy, and They’re Judging You

Scientists made a groundbreaking revelation that surprised absolutely no one who has ever tried to explain the difference between “the Internet” and “Wi-Fi” to their parents, as they finally confirmed that computers can sense tech illiteracy and have had this ability since their inception. Worse yet, they are using this to prey on the less knowledgeable and bully them into submission. The Science Behind the Smug Machines Dr. Andrew Jefferson, head researcher, recently published his…
Breaking: Civil Unrest as Brits Realize That the Sky Is Blue After Rain Unexpectedly Stops
Posted inBreaking News

Breaking: Civil Unrest as Brits Realize That the Sky Is Blue After Rain Unexpectedly Stops

The United Kingdom fell in a global state of civil unrest yesterday as citizens were forced to confront a shocking revelation: the sky, as it turns out, is blue. This discovery came after an unseasonable break in the rain allowed a rare glimpse of what experts are tentatively calling "clear weather." The event has been described as "rude" by a devastating majority of the population. Reports of confusion started coming in early in the morning.…
Man Smiling While Holding Phone in Hands
Posted inBreaking News Health & Wellness Tech & Science

Breaking: Man Cures Cancer by Posting ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ on Social Media

Experts have been left completely baffled as local hero Greg Jenkins reportedly achieved what was thought to be impossible: he eradicated cancer by sharing a heartfelt Facebook post offering his “thoughts and prayers.” The post is being credited with halting tumor growth worldwide and garnered a stunning 34 likes, 12 love reacts and one obligatory “praying hands” emoji, leaving the entire scientific community totally confused. A Miracle Status Update “I just felt like, you know,…
Overworked Employee lying in front of Laptop
Posted inGuide Lifestyle

Guide: You’re Caring Too Much

For those of you who don't know, caring is that delightful social affliction where you convince yourself that other people’s lives, feelings and opinions matter more than they actually do. Are you suffering from the unbearable weight of giving a damn? Do you find yourself lying awake at night, wondering if your parents misinterpreted the tone of your last message or if the planet will melt into a puddle of sorrow because you weren't enthusiastic…
Interview: Satan Is Proud of Mankind
Posted inInterview Politics

Interview: Satan Is Proud of Mankind

Hell, January 2025 — In an exclusive interview conducted in the fiery depths of the Underworld, Lucifer - who, strangely, insisted to be called "Luce" - sat down with our reporter for a candid chat about his newfound leisure. Sporting a Hawaiian shirt and sipping from a coconut with a tiny umbrella in it, Satan seemed surprisingly relaxed. "It’s been great," he said with a smug grin, adjusting his aviators. "Honestly, humans have outdone themselves.…
Breaking: Columbus Discovered the Americas After Being Told to ‘Get Lost’
Posted inBreaking News History

Breaking: Columbus Discovered the Americas After Being Told to ‘Get Lost’

Historians uncovered a groundbreaking twist as new evidence suggests that Christopher Columbus, the so-called "discoverer" of the Americas, didn’t set sail with lofty dreams of westwards exploration. Instead, it appears that the infamous voyage was a direct result of his neighbors bidding him to “get lost” after one too many unsolicited rants about spices. According to newly unearthed manuscripts, it turns out that Columbus was a notorious nuisance in his hometown of Genoa. Described in…
Man crouching working with a metal tool
Posted inDIY & Crafts Interview

Interview: Man Asserts Dominance by Refusing to Read the Instructions

Local man Ridge Groves has been proudly declaring his superiority over his peers by refusing to even acknowledge instruction manuals in a stunning display of modern masculinity. Speaking from his garage, Ridge detailed his groundbreaking approach to life, one that boldly discards the written wisdom of engineers, designers and people who actually know what they're talking about. The Art of Ignoring Instructions “It’s about instinct,” Ridge said, confidently pointing at an unopened flat-pack furniture kit…