Ah, alcohol! Some fun in a bottle. That divine fluid that turns boring accountants (and you) into Evel Knievel, that makes the ugly (and you) pretty, the sad (and you) funny, that makes social interactions a little more bearable and generally makes life suck less. Mankind was smart and probably desperate enough to discover alcohol pretty soon in its history for all future generations to enjoy.
Life 2.0
Because yes, alcohol enhances everything! Food? Better with alcohol. Social gatherings? Better with alcohol. Church? Much better with alcohol. Have a brunch lined up? Mate there better be booze or time will be very long. Forget VR. First: you look ridiculous with that headgear and second: why would you try to evade the world with that thing when you can just enjoy life’s embedded augmented reality features? What are you, 8?
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Nothing Else Matters
One of the main perks of alcohol is the whole carelessness thing. When you’re tipsy, you just don’t care. Had a bad day at work? Just pop some wine and it doesn’t matter anymore! Simple, right? Just sip your gin & tonic like the world isn’t collapsing along with your dreams, you’re not in debt anymore and your father is actually proud of you. But hey, you deserve it! Today was bad, you deserve that drink. You have to deserve it, right? If not you would just be an alcoholic. A functioning one, maybe, but still, nobody wants to be any kind of alcoholic. It just looks bad on your resume.
The Way Out
Where alcohol really shines though, is during the weekend. There you can really let go and honor the gods of liquor, the old, the new and the ones to come. Happy hour, anyone? What’s best than sharing a drink with people, right? It’s called conviviality but not for you; for you, it’s called necessity. People suck, everyone knows that and if you think otherwise you’re just delusional. And the more you’re with them the more you need an escape. Enter alcohol: the hero we deserve. It’s the cheapest and most convenient legal way to cope you could find so just order one of those funky tasting, overpriced cocktails, relax and try to have fun. Monday is already lurking at the corner and trust me: it won’t spare you.
Oops, I Did It Again
Now one noteworthy side-effect of alcohol is the hangover. If you did it right, at this point you should be hating life and yourself more than the usual and you should swear that you will never let it happen again. How cute. Let me tell you what’s gonna happen: you will do it all over again, and again, and again. Not because you can’t learn a lesson but because as soon as you step out in the real world again you will realize that a hangover is actually the perfect excuse to cancel everything.
So next time you’re thinking “Should I? Should I not?”, pondering the inevitable like you’re trying to figure out how old you were when you started disappointing everyone around, just head over to the counter and get yourself a beer. It won’t change anything anymore anyway. So yeah. Cheers, mate!